New diagnosis

[Lulianna]

Hi.

So I am newly diagnosed and was told at the meeting that I would be emotional, would need time to deal etc etc and very important to cry, let it all out for my health.

Apart from insomnia, I am not feeling anything, I don’t know how to feel. It’s like it is all behind a veil or curtain I can’t reach. I’m concerned because there’s a very good chance that I could have a massive meltdown at some point in the near future if I bottle it. And also I just can’t connect to my feelings over it. Except that I’m immeasurably sad I missed out on support in childhood and was made to feel crap and suffer hardships unnecessarily.

I don’t think any of my NT friends will get any of this, except that I feel stressed.

Not sure how to snap out of it.

Any experiences for anyone else re. Diagnosis. And how to connect with your feelings when a big thing happens in life?

My initial feelings were also sadness over the lost child nobody noticed, the possibilities missed, even if I am happy with my life I have now.

I am thankful my husband (also a late diagnosed Autistic) understood that I wasn't regretful, just feeling something it was impossible to reconcile. You can't know the what-ifs or might-haves so it feels really unsettling.

You are lost on a thought you can't think through!

All that helped me was time really. This isn't a lot of help, I just wanted to say I felt adrift as well.

I was fucking FURIOUS for about two years after my diagnosis, but it took me six months to get there - in many ways, much like the way I felt when my father died when I was in my late teens.

In both instances, I never cried - that's not my thing.

You'll feel how you feel, OP, and you'll get there in your own time.