Anyone else friend free by choice?

[ofwarren]

I just can't cope with friendships and to be honest, I don't really need them. I'm much happier with acquaintances where there are no expectations and I can just forget about them when I go home.

I've not had an actual friend for about 20 years.

Anyone similar?

I think in my case it has become by choice and also in part by trauma aswell after being mistreated so much in life. If I could meet kind compassionate people whereby the friendship isn't totally one sided, I would happily enjoy being around people, but people like that have been a minority in my life.

Yes, me. Although I do have a DH, and intermittent contact with siblings.

Most people don't interest me on the surface, and it can take years to know someone 'at depth' which is when they become more interesting.

Like @cocopops11 it's choice, but recognising that I can't keep re-traumatisng myself with the repeated failed attempts. It's an odd one, as I have a dh and kids, but friends for the most part have eluded me.

Yes, it wasn't so much my choice but I just found it impossible to make friends as an adult and now it's just become easier to stop chasing the impossible and basically be friendless and it hurts less.
I don't mind tbh for 99% of the time, I think I prefer it now, but there's the odd time it pangs, normally when I'm reminded of it not being "normal" to have no friends
like I needed a reference recently, couldn't give an employment one and it was suggested a friend instead, but I don't have them either... 😬😞 And was too embarrassed to say I don't have any, so not doing that course then!
And on mumsnet when people get ridiculous on threads and basically accuse people who say they have no one to ask for help for example of lying and no one can have no one. It's the above that hurts more, as just a reminder of not normal.

I’ve had very long periods of my life with no friends (not by choice). As a younger adult, I was so eager for friends I let people use me - shoulder to cry on, ‘fat friend’, stopgap, you name it. I gradually recognised the pattern and stopped it, cutting some people off in the process. As a somewhat older adult, I ended up in friendships where I was basically the other person’s therapist and over time I began to realise what was happening there as well. My pattern was knowing I am a bit different and that many people don’t like it, therefore feeling I need to do a lot to keep friends and, in doing all of that, I don’t hold boundaries or assert myself. Now? My friendships are possibly not very ‘typical’ nor are my feelings about them, but they work for me. I have friends based on strong mutual interests; friends with whom I do certain things but not others; friends who are long-term and with whom I could talk about most topics. This is a very small handful of people. I need a lot of time alone to re-charge after being with most people. I take care to limit my time with very high energy people because they drain me much more quickly. It’s pretty compartmentalised and friends have to be patient with my quirks (intense dislike of the unexpected phone call - or indeed most phone calls, for example). We are relational beings at the end of the day, whether we are NT or ND. What has changed for me is accepting that I don’t ‘do’ relationships like many people - the idea of just hanging out with someone makes me anxious, I need an agenda!

Great question. I have two friends and see them about twice a year (not together as they don’t know one another). I do enjoy not having anyone closer to me, like a best friend (not had one of those for years). I’ve been let down/used in the past with friends so find it very very difficult to open up or even make them in the first place.
I don’t often feel lonely but I do feel a bit odd being on my own so much at certain times when I see friends together or in groups. In the winter months I find it easier to enjoy my own company, if that makes sense.