To think I may be autistic?

[Anxious001]

It's been on my mind a lot. I posted in the main section of MN a while ago but was directed here instead. Here are my concerns

Am late thirties but always get told I look 17/18 and 'You just seem so young'.
Strange voice. People guess Northern, American, Welsh or Kiwi. Not everyone thinks so but a lot do and cannot believe that I am English.
Very anxious and overthink everything.
Shy.
Struggle to make small talk and get embarrassed easily.

But then there are other things which don't quite fit. Which are the following-

I am able to understand social cues very easily. I understand when someone is bored, upset or angry.
I don't really care if my routine is changed, it doesn't make me anxious.
I am able to write creatively and see myself in someone else's shoes and life.
I am known as the counsellor in my family as am able to mediate well and see things from different angles.

Would be grateful for any input

Have you done any of the online tests?

psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

embrace-autism.com/raads-r/

Women present a bit differently to men. Have a look at this list of traits
the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

Can’t diagnose here. I’m similar to you though in that I don’t meet a lot of the traits but some specific ones, I meet completely. The ones I meet are mainly social related. I don’t score high on the online tests, but still think I’m on the spectrum somewhere.

I am the same @MumofOne1789 .
The social side definitely but other stuff doesn't fit. But then I have read that you can't be a 'little bit autistic' so I am confused.

Is it possible you have social anxiety rather than autism?

I guess it is possible. I definitely fit all the traits for that but then it's the looking/seeming so young and odd voice which doesn't match SA.

I think the difference between social and anxiety and autism is that with autism, it’s kind of like not understanding what to say, not getting jokes, almost like not getting the social rule book others seem to have. I’m like that. Social anxiety I think is different, you understand but just not able to socialise.?

I don’t agree with the ‘you can’t be a little autistic’. Everyone’s different and it’s a spectrum. Traits present themselves differently in people. I do think you’re either on the spectrum or not though. I think maybe you won’t be diagnosed if you don’t meet a certain amount of traits.

I often don't know what to say to people but do understand social cues and can read between the lines of what someone is saying, how they are feeling etc.
With that said, I do think I am on the spectrum somewhere. I just don't seem like others or act with the confidence and ease that they do.

I am able to understand social cues very easily. I understand when someone is bored, upset or angry.
Autistic people may understand emotions fully, and then either not really care (if the other person doesn't interest them, doesn't catch their interest), or over-care, as they over-empathise. They can have poor emotional boundaries.

I don't really care if my routine is changed, it doesn't make me anxious.
You may be intelligent enough to rationalise changes.

I am able to write creatively and see myself in someone else's shoes and life.
Autism can go with a strong and vivid imagination, as well as verbal dexterity.

I am known as the counsellor in my family as am able to mediate well and see things from different angles.
You are able to detach from your own emotional reaction and intellectualise the emotions of others, to be a neutral arbiter.

IMO none of these traits are incompatible with Autism in women.

That's what makes it all so confusing 😕

I think you could be autistic even with the social skills. I come across as very sociable but I work REALLY hard for it. I observe people all the time and mimic other people’s reactions to things and categorise people’s behaviours in my head to learn from. it’s called masking and it’s exhausting but very common for women- it’s possible you are VERY successfully masking.

Do you have things like sensory issues or executive function challenges? Look into wide definitions, not just a specific one- autism can present really differently in women.

I feel like I'm constantly repeating this on here but you truly can't be a "little bit" autistic.

You either are or you aren't, and to be autistic you need to satisfy each category within the DSM-5, and it must be evident across your whole life. If someone is autistic, that may present in a myriad of different ways, and someone can have very low support needs but they are still 100% autistic. Not a little bit - they are totally autistic with low support needs and their own individual presentation. Many people confuse spectrum (like a circle) with a linear scale from 0 - 100%.

It was also made very clear to me during my assessment that nobody is diagnosed based on "traits", it's based on the tangible impact of autistic behaviours on the person's life.

I beg you to stop perpetuating this because it's genuinely damaging to people with low-moderate support needs. I am one of those people and, depressingly, have many examples of how I have had to fight against this idea to get what I need.

I agreed with you are either autistic or not. I have been looking into BAP broad austism phenotype. Meaning some people meet and have some of the same traits but not enough to be officially diagnosed.

So these people (I’m sure there are lots) don’t fit into autistic AND neurotypical. So where do they fit then?