I'm getting divorced...

[Catterpillarwithconverse]

I thought I'd be married for life. That is what getting married means to me. Even though there's been problems in our relationship from day one and I think that both of us could have healthy relationships with other people in the future I feel so betrayed by him wanting a divorce. I think it's to do with my need for plans to remain in place. Divorce was not part of my life plan at all. I feel like NT people don't quite understand why this is going to be so difficult for me.

I haven't told my parents yet as they won't approve as they think marriage is for life. But it's not my choice anyway.

They don't live near me anyway so it's not like they can withhold support from me as they don't support me anyway.

I feel so so bad for my children but I know ultimately it's for the best as its turned into not a very healthy relationship. My son who is a sensitive soul has seen me cry a few times in response to me not getting on with STBX.

How can I manage this life changing adjustment? I feel a tightness in my chest just thinking about us moving house.

We are doing it as gradually as possible. I'm scared about having to deal with all the changes and I don't think people will understand why. I'm not really heart broken. Just sad for my children and resistant to change.

Oh lovely I’m sorry.

I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce and how much it's affecting you.

I was the opposite. I told my husband I could not promise our marriage would be forever.

Neither feelings are 'correct' but I would like to at least reassure you that despite hating change, I have been fine on my own. My DD has also been fine too. My DD has actually been better with it just being me and her.

Being in an unhealthy relationship is never good. That was ultimately what made me leave.

That was 10 years ago. I still wake up every day and thank myself that I did.

Society and social media lead us to believe in and seek perfect relationships. They don't always exist and sometimes ourselves and our children flourish regardless.

Be kind to yourself.

I was in this situation a couple of years ago. I thought my marriage would last for life, and I thought I really needed that structure and predictability and having another person to help with things I found difficult.

It has been difficult but now I feel like a big weight is off my shoulders because I think I was suppressing so much that was stressful and difficult in order to have the certainty and security of being married, which I don't think was a good thing for any of us, parents or children.

My children are fine now, and I feel much more positive, like I am making a life that fits who I am, rather than trying to fit myself into a box, but I do have a lot of anxiety about doing things on my own.

I think you are doing it right by taking things gradually - just tackle one thing at a time. I've also found it helpful to be more open with people about how autism affects me, how I struggle with change, etc.

I’m going through this too. A long marriage with some difficult times but I really wanted to sort things out.

I’m divorcing him because he was controlling; he and his adult kids had very strong and restrictive views on me, my Aspergers and how I should “be”. I miss him but frankly, if I ever see him or his family again, it will be me who walks past them, head held high. They treated me appallingly and I was so afraid of losing my marriage/home/future that I let them. Like lots of people, I fear being on my own but, I was very lonely when I was married so, it’s just a different loneliness.

OP, you will come through this. Remember, one step at a time. Try not to think too far ahead. Create your own safe space for yourself and your children. Be kind to yourself.