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Please help me with my DD

7 replies

Eighteighteen · 27/12/2022 21:45

My DD is 17 and was diagnosed with autism in the last 6 months.
Since being diagnosed she has become massively sensitive to noise. She’s always hated people’s eating noises and sniffing etc but it is now at a whole new level (her therapist says that she’s unmasking and kind of allowing the feelings in if that makes sense).
She had a reasonable Christmas, liked her presents and appeared happy to see relatives, came for a Christmas Eve walk with family and spent some time with us all and some time in her room.
She ate Christmas dinner in her room which she said she enjoyed and seemed happy with when I went up to check on her.
She said she had a nice Christmas.
Today she is feeling massively fed up (and probably hormonal) says she hated Christmas and hated eating by herself. Feels like she’s never going to be able to have a happy life, can’t imagine how she’ll ever be able to live with a family as she’ll only be able to manage living by herself in silence. She has a little job which she quite enjoys (or at least doesn’t hate) but today is saying that she hates it and will never be able to have a proper job and life (I’ve told her to quit if she wants).
Will she ever be able to manage to cope with other people’s noises? What can I say to her to make her happy?
I hate to see her so fed up and it’s literally getting me down so much that I almost dread her coming downstairs as I know it’s going to be a barrage of doom and gloom and I will get shouted at for saying the wrong thing. She actually makes me feel quite anxious.
Sorry for the long post. Please tell me it’s
going to be ok.

OP posts:

ThanosSnap · 27/12/2022 23:52

For sensitivity to noise does she have in ear noise reducers? Flair is one brand but there's also a couple of others.
What job/career would be her ideal one? If she really can't cope obviously it's different, but if she's just going through a brief I hate it moment, I'd really encourage her to keep with the job while applying to new ones, autistic job stats are awful and when you fall out of employment with autism it can betough to get back in.


TheodoreMortlock · 28/12/2022 00:56

I think this is a really common response to diagnosis. First there can be an initial rush of elation - Yes! Now I know what this is called! - followed by a major slump as you realise that you'll never grow out of it. It's a relief to know it's not a you problem, but also, if it's not a you problem, there's nothing you can do to change it.

It does pass.

I wouldn't encourage her to quit the job. Having crappy days or bad patches and surviving them is a really good life skill particularly for those of us with rigid thinking and / or rejection sensitivity, which might explain some of the doom-mongering.


Eighteighteen · 29/12/2022 21:01

Thanks for replying. Yes, she has noise cancelling headphones which she sometimes wears.
She’s here now saying she can’t stand living in this house because her dad’s too noisy. She can’t remember a time when she didn’t feel over-stimulated. She wishes she could describe how awful it is when her dad sniffs, closes a cupboard, empties the dishwasher etc etc.
She gets cross when I suggest the headphones and says either that she DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND ALL HER LIFE IN HEADPHONES or she CAN HEAR NOISE EVEN WITH HER HEADPHONES ON!!! She can’t hear me talking to her or calling her but she can apparently hear her dad sniff.
I just have nothing I can say to her. Any suggestions would be very welcome. I am at such a loss. She will text me or ring me from her room to tell me to remind her poor dad to be quiet, or to tell her brother to be quiet.
I feel I’m walking on eggshells all the time and am trying to get jobs done myself so that my DH doesn’t do them noisily.
Please tell me this will pass or that there is something I can say which will help.

OP posts:

Eighteighteen · 29/12/2022 21:03

@ThanosSnap We tried the Flair Audio ear plug things too. They got her through a little bit of school but her sensitivity since being diagnosed has gone to a whole new level.

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 30/12/2022 23:29

Hormones... probably the bastards

Sounds bloody familiar.

Stress relief. The more stressed the more put of control and sensitive to noise...and once you've heard that sniff you can't tune it out.

Can hear bloody lightswitches humming but not process speach, (which is why she can't hear you ..) it's not she can't hear but the processing is buggered so it feels like you can't hear)


BlackeyedSusan · 30/12/2022 23:36

Try sticking something on cupboards so they close quieter.

And do not forget she can't fucking help it hurting when DH is being noisy. Actual physical pain.


Craftycorvid · 01/01/2023 17:40

Agree with the pp who suggested that your daughter is still coming to terms with her diagnosis - it’s a very big deal for all of you. If within the last 6 months, this will have been the first Christmas after her diagnosis and she might be reflecting on things that have always been hard for her at this time of year and what those things may mean in the light of Autism being confirmed. She sounds as though she is trying to find the balance between meeting her needs and being with other people. It’s good that she has an understanding therapist. Hopefully, this phase of adjustment will settle in time.

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