ADHD Xmas 2023 thread

[MrsMikeHeck]

There is no hope for this year

Despite the fact that I’ve been between jobs for the last three months, I’m overwhelmed, unprepared and feeling bucketloads of mum failure guilt.

But next year will be different. Feel free to join me.

This year feels good so far, I started meds last week so everything feels calmer - my dose doubles tomorrow so I am slightly apprehensive.

Have you tried to make a plan / lists?

I shop pre 7am and will do the shop on Thursday- I struggle with the change to routine like sports being cancelled - luckily I am with pure gym so I can get my daily dopamine hit!

Hate the crowds and queues of Christmas thou and the awkward gift exchanges

still haven't bought an gifts, will be running around tomorrow, trying to find something for everyone... luckily my dd is only 1 and I do have some toys for her etc. Is it just me or are there any other people like me?

I have two settings.

Completely organised by mid November, with extra groceries stocked up so I don’t even have to go to the supermarket for the month of December

or

overwhelm, panic, can’t process or remember what I’m doing, can’t even imagine what to buy anyone. Fuuuuckk.

A lovely idea…

im a newly single mum… so first Xmas sharing the kids and I am alone for three days. It’s feeling so hard but does mean I am organised.

die to have my meds go up today…. So hopefully that will help. They were a great but it’s wearing off a little

Hey all - thanks so much for joining in.

the tough thing for me is the huuuuuge gap between my own ideas and expectations vs what I can actually do. I am so full of inspiration, but just end up in complete paralysis and guilt about my many many failings.

i am going to make notes for next year. Main thing is to remember that anything that doesn’t get done by time kids break up isn’t going to get done. I just can’t do stuff once everyone is home.

this year had changed quite dramatically now anyway. My mum has a rare type of dementia that is processing so fast. Both her and my dad are coming to ours. It’s going to be really tough - my dad isn’t coping at all and is really emotional. Even getting them here is going to be a big mission.

OP so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis. This will be a really hard Christmas for all of you.

I have no diagnosis but having done some very in depth courses as a teacher I definitely have very many ADHD traits. In my head I'm organised for this year. In reality, I'm dreading dd2 coming home and criticising the mess that is our house and will pay dd3 whatever I need to tomorrow to help me.

Still a few more presents to buy but hey! It's only the 23rd tomorrow. If I'd bought them last month I'd have either given them to people in my excitement or forgotten where I'd put them!!

I teach. Am very organised doing that but the rest of my life is utter chaos. In my head, we'd made gingerbread and allsorts by now but in reality I've wasted time watching utterly shite Christmas films.

I have one day to do Christmas. Can do it - hyperfocus and all that - so tomorrow will be baking, washing skirting boards, bit more shopping etc etc. Just always feels a rush xx

I hear you loud and clear OP, and others who found getting ready for Christmas a challenge. I hope you managed to have a nice Christmas Day despite things being difficult.

I have struggled with so many aspects of Christmas for years. Since being diagnosed I now realise that my ADHD traits make preparing and executing Christmas a massive uphill challenge.

I was diagnosed just over a year ago and since then I have had a bit of adhd coaching, read a couple of books (TBH I read the interesting bits, skimmed other bits, and didn't finish them but hey ho), listened to some podcasts and joined an online support group.

None of this has 'fixed' me. In fact it has made me realise that I can't be fixed because I'm not broken as such. But it has really helped me to understand why I struggle- as in which parts of my adhd create which difficulties.

With understanding has come more self compassion, which in turn has helped me to cope a lot better.

I have also learned a lot of coping strategies. As I said above, these haven't fixed me but they have made things easier. I guess I have more 'tools in my toolkit' and these tools are more suited to me and my brain than to a NT person.

Of course, I don't necessarily open my toolkit when I 'should'- this year I still procrastinated, ruminated, dreamt up elaborate awesome Christmas plans that never materialised, experienced sensory overload etc etc.. BUT it was a great deal less harrowing than other years, I was more organised, and more forgiving of myself.

Apologies if I am preaching to the concerted here, or if my post reads like a stealth boast- that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to say that there is hope that things can be a little easier, and that for me a lot of that came from understanding and being kinder to myself.

@Mumwithbaggage you probably already know this but you could maybe try some adhd specific coaching (or other things) which might be really helpful. You don't need a diagnosis for any of that stuff, and if you have difficulties with executive function it will help you regardless.