Frusrated with NT mum

[fidgetcube]

I am late 20s, female and live at home due to my disabilities which include depression, anxiety, autism, tourettes and adhd.

So, I continually frustrate my mother. I correct her, make stupid comments and donthelp roudn the hosue much.

I try and do the dishwasher when I can, I do my own washing, I take the recycling and bin out, I sometimes do the cats litter trays. Half the problem is I dont recognise when things need done, and most of the other part I get distracted and dont rememeber to do it or i totally forget it even needs to be done. and I do acknowledge that sometimes that I jsut plain dont want to, and I do understand that adults (which I am) do have to do stuff they dont want to do.

If she says something that is not quite right or soemthing im confused by, i correct her. It feels like i do it impulsively or unintentionally. On some level it must be intentional but it just seems to come out my mouth before I can think.

I say stupid comments alot. Some are tics without an urge i think and others are impulsive i think. How do i stop this.

I sound like a child, i get that, and im so frustrated with myself and why i do these things. Am i just a twat?

there was something else I wanted to mention but Ive forgotten.

I just realised i never said why im frustrated with her and I also remembered the other thing i was going to write.

the other thing i was going to to write, is basically I get words muddled up, theyre usually related but for example earlier I said 'do you put the table mats in the washing machine' then it changed in my brain to table blankets in the dryer, then couch mats, before my step mum mum was like couch throws. I dont know why this happens but its like my brain doesnt engage, its so annoying, I dont knwo where these words come from. It annoys the hell out of everyone. Its not new but it getting more common, i think its because ive got someone to talk to, so im talking more.

im frustrated because shes frustrated.

I imagine the not helping at home makes the other things seem worse and less tolerable.

Perhaps you need to work out ways to contribute to the household more productively.

• lists
• chore charts
• weekly schedule
• Habatica is a neat app to build habits, with a cute avatar
• find what you CAN do best rather than what is harder for you

If the problem is language from your Mother, you can tell her that vagaries like "the bin is full" are useless to ND people! Yup, the bin sure is full you'll agree and move on. If what she MEANT to say (and didn't! and NT's say we have communication issues!) that "the bin needs emptying today, by 6pm" then she needs to realise she needs to say what she actually means and everybody will be happier!

Will I sound very cynical if I say that expecting NTs to manage their language is like wishing for the moon?

But otherwise I agree with @WeirdPookah to start by focusing on the chores. That might lighten the general feeling of frustration.

one of the ideas that I found very helpful was to have pre made decisions that are non negotiable to get the daily necessities if housework done. I don’t think about emptying the bin - I just do it. The space that clears in my brain is phenomenal. It’s not my idea - I heard it on this podcast

Also, listening to podcasts makes boring housework a bit more bearable!!

@Andsoforth you probably are right 😂
It's a great thing about myself and my husband both being Autistic, we both state these sorts of things clearly and never argue over it.

Another tip I keep trying to train myself and my husband to do is not go places empty handed, there is usually something that shouldn't be there, a cup to go out, an envelope to recycle etc, so take it with you when you move round the house.

OP just wanted to say you are definitely NOT 'a tw*t' 🌻💖

I am not good at housework because I don’t see the point and there’s no deadline. I can do it an hour later, or a day later, and the sky won’t fall down. It annoys me immensely when NT people are constantly in a rush to get stuff done now this second.

In fact sometimes I don’t do stuff at all. I used to hoover every Friday but then I realised I can skip a Friday and the end result is the same. My hoover doesn’t care if it sucks up two weeks worth of dirt instead of one. The only reason I do any housework at all is because someone will shout at me if I don’t. So I do it to avoid the shouting, not for any other reason.

Solution? Fool the NTs. Reposition the hoover and spray air freshener so it looks like you’ve hoovered. Dampen the tea towel and rearrange it. Or just move out so people can’t nag you any more.