Masking

[glossyglossy9]

I was diagnosed autistic 5 years ago in my 30's.

How do you know when you're masking and when you're not?
I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately.
I want to learn more about masking and how to unmask.

Today I saw a video of someone showing when they're masking their voice is higher pitched and 'fake friendly'. Mine sounds like this and people have commented on it before. I'm so used to doing it now. I feel like it isn't real and it just happens automatically.

I don't do that at home with my partner or when I see my mum etc but anyone else, it just naturally happens, I don't even know how to stop it.

Is this masking? I wonder if NT people also do this too. Or if this autistic masking.

It's a definite conundrum, and one I've struggled with myself (diagnosed at 45). I came to the conclusion that there's a distinction to be made between "automatic" and "instinctive"; the former is something that you don't think too much about but still requires effort, whereas the latter just happens and there's no conscious effort or control involved.

One way to tell is...how tired you are after prolonged periods of social contact. If you're tired, or feel like you need a rest, then you've been masking. Similarly, if you're looking for an exit while people are talking...yep, you're probably masking.

As with many other autistic traits, I spend the first four decades of my life assuming that everybody did this. Oops.

@xyhere
Yes I can't definitely tell the times I feel relatively ok after a social situation and times where I feel really tired, i zone out during the conversation and like you have said 'trying to find an exit'.

I noticed last week when some relatives asked if they could come to the house, I felt so tired and stressed while they were here, and completely exhausted when they left. I seemed really talkative (to the point I was just chatting nonsense really) and I had a headache. I realised after it was too much overload for me and I was masking the whole time.

Masking.

Dd not masking: making ooh and AHH noises, clapping and flapping at Christmas lights in the car. This was post sensory meltdown.

Need to work back from there.

Masking: putting up with noise possibly, to appear NT.
not masking: wearing ear plugs, leaving, sticking fingers in ears...

Don't know.

I suppose masking is being on "best behaviour" but with more effort than NT. Eg, not stimming when required,

I have a theory.

From an evolutionary perspective, it’s really really vital that you don’t get separated from the herd because your chances of dying shoot up.

Getting kicked out (social rejection) is a massive survival risk. Masking is what we have evolved to do for self protection.

I think it’s often purely instinctual and no easier to control than fight/flight (as a side note there’s actually fight, flight, freeze and fawn and masking might be a fawn response)

I also think rsd is part of the package - a heightened sensitivity to the danger of rejection.

I’m only able to identify my masking retrospectively.

Ds describes his as a persona that takes over, that is too strong for him.