I bought a small plot of land instead of doing debt & mainstream NT life AMA

[ManageableLifeLady]

I am Aspergers and not reliably functional enough with human interfacing to service a 25 year debt in order to own a home via the 'normal' system.
What I did instead was move to the cheapest rural area to live that I could find and take a very cheap rental. I used a small inheritance to buy a few acres of land outright.
I have worked the land for three years and planted a heritage orchard and I am now moving into a converted van to continue this and build a barn which I have planning permission to build using material from the land in the shape of coppiced timber.
I did this because I realized I could not sustain my masking anymore when the outcome of doing that landed me in hospital with multiple endocrine issues that required surgery which was brought on by years of stress punctuated by sporadic and regular burnout breakdowns.
I have a history of getting and losing jobs in the double figures and these range from bin woman and hospital cleaner to autism teacher and building site manager.
I have experienced multiple episodes of domestic and workplace abuse and homelessness and I am an ex care leaver.
I also have a first class degree in English.
I reached rock bottom when my stress made me so poorly I couldn't do the mask on bounce back and rebuild another time. I am beyond mid forties.
So.
I did a life overhaul that took me to the starting point of needing and wanting a
Manageable and honest Aspergers friendly Life.
The rest came from that.
I am here to answer any questions from anyone who yearns to have a land based life that accomodates their neuro diversity no matter how weird or unconventional that life may seem to others.
I am here to explain how it can be done and not necessarily need an inheritance because I know people who have done orchards and land as a choice via none profit via council support (Newquay Orchard is a good example if you want to look at it)
I am up for answering all the tricky stuff on planning and land ownership for the neurodiverse and what have you as well.
There are resources to help people with learning disability access these systems and participate and in my experience they are very good and helpful.
So here I am if you are land curious and neuro diverse and want to ask questions, I am here for you.

I will keep coming back here to see if anyone has any questions. But I am not going to be hovering, so if I take a while to see a question and answer I am not being rude or posting and bailing. I just have other stuff that I am doing as well as MN now and then.

Hi@ManageableLifeLady How did you gain the skills and knowledge to work the land; did you have an agricultural background or was this something you were able to learn as an adult? Your sort of life sounds lovely, but I can't even keep a pot plant alive, let alone a small-holding, so I don't think it would be something I could do.

Hi Boardlike,

I learned to do this stuff by working part time as an FE teacher at an educational farm for people with profound learning disabilities and autism.

I started at two days a week and then eventually did three.

I learned to do pretty much all aspects of farm work on the job and already had a pretty good idea of horticulture as growing things is a special interest of mine.

I was a teacher but there were lots of support workers there as well without teaching qualifications as well in paid part time positions and at least one had aspergers like me. We all worked on the farm together with the service users who had more profound learning disability and needs.

There were also volunteers who did one day a week so a great range of accessibility to a community horticulture and farming resource for all levels of capacity and needs.

Before that I had experience working part time as a construction site project manager. So not bad with understanding structural stuff and how to build things.

It has been a progression for me in the latter part of my life since collapse and diagnosis from 'mainstream' life, little by little, learning more but never getting in so deep or for so long that I am totally floundering and burning out.

:)

I am going to address the question of how did you learn? and the I don't know how to grow anything statement with a few suggestions on how to get started no matter what your capacity is for growing things or social interaction as I think this might be helpful.

1. If you are good with a small degree of facetime and have the spoons for it. Places like botanical gardens the National Trust and community orchards all welcome volunteers and are disability friendly to them, so you can be honest and de-mask and tell them exactly what your capacity is and what you would like to learn to do that fits in with their resources. National Trust are actually great at this.

2. If you can't do facetime with others or strangers and have no capacity or energy for volunteering then YouTube is chock full of brilliant 'how to' permaculture and land based and horticulture videos. I have learned loads from YouTube videos made by people doing land based things outside of the mainstream.

3. Some Autism charities and services and mental health entities run sensitive and supported gardening and horticulture opportunities for those struggling with NT social interactions but who are OK being around very small groups and supporting people who are low energy and gentle for short sessions of gardening learning. There are a couple of these where I am based that I have heard about on the autism grapevine and some people feel very safe going to them, whereas they wouldn't manage National Trust or more open volunteer type situations, which is good because this is an important opportunity that fulfills an important need.

These are the three main good areas for free learning that I have found that might suit people on the autistic spectrum who want to learn some land-based skills for free or get paid for getting involved on the job.

No questions, just came on to say good for you and best wishes, OP.

I would love to do this. I really want to have a small parcel of land big enough to grow veg and raise chickens etc. I too am really struggling with working and masking. I long to shut the door and shut the world out.

Wow!
no direct questions but more of a fair play to you for knowing enough is enough.
that cycle is just exhausting and life threatening isn’t it.
I would to read more of tour adventure… new life if you feel you want to post more about it

x

Your story is amazing and really inspirational. I’d love to have the courage to just go for it (bit late now with two dc) but the drive to hide and fit in and fly under the radar is incredibly strong in me.

Do you have a safety blanket or any kind of financial cushion for bad years? Sorry if that’s a negative question, but I’d be quite scared.

thanks for sharing.

Hi Andsoforth,
I had a bit of an anxiety wobble after posting this and disappeared for a bit to gather my courage. Sorry about that but very much how and why I am not great in workplaces and choose not to do it now.
But to answer your question about a safety blanket.
My safety blanket was never going to exist no matter what I did in mainstream life and work, I was far too crumbly and prone to burnout and collapse in full time employment.
What I decided to do was build something using my 'spoons' in the most efficient for me way.
The shape that took for me was an orchard and gardening and as much (long term) self sufficiency as I could muster.
I am entitled to PIP and I coppice all my own firewood. Then there are the hens and eggs and the products I make from coppiced hazel like trad hurdles and pea canes. I grow a lot of food and in four years I will be taking six tons of apples from the trees that can be pressed.
Add to that a library of heritage apple trees numbering about forty different varieties that can have scions taken and grafted onto root stock and sold.
There are a lot of diverse values to be had from a managed ancilliary hazel woodland and an orchard.
I suppose I see my own aspergers energy and special interest directed in a very specific direction minus an overload of social navigation AS my safety blanket.
For me the safety blanket was the net energy saved and mental health improvement made via escape from trying to drive myself, a square peg, into a social and employment round hole for years.
Society didn't break me, it was me trying to conquer/ignore my own apsergers that did that.
The idea of building a manageable life around my aspergers brain really changed that for me.
My manageable life is now my security blanket because I am not floundering about failing at doing 'normal.'
I've kind of just accepted my strengths and failings and built on that with zero room for the sort of 'normal people' expected path and life stuff that broke me.
Sorry if this isn't a 'reliable' answer and I sort of know what you mean in terms of finance and the future, but there really isn't a crystal ball for me apart from knowing if I tried to carry on the path I was on I was probably going to become much more poorly and maybe die from stress related collapse and social gap falling.
But I think that maximizing your strength via cutting out the energy and life limiting experiences and scenarios is a great start on piling up energy and outcome in your favour and getting as independent as possible in thought, work and life skills definitely helped me as well.
Sorry if that is a bad answer, it is a tough and important question for people with Autism and one I am ill equipped to answer from any perspective other than my own.

My change began with the question 'how do I stop?'
In essence how does someone with Aspergers get off the life treadmill of too 'normal seeming to be believed'? (masking to survive)
But also
'Too secretly fucked by Aspergers or ASD to function healthily long term? (masking is killing me slowly)

I did it like this. I am going to do bullet points because I think they are easier to follow and I am not going to apologize for this strategy because A) I have paid tax and national insurance for my entire crappy failure of a working life and B) It saved my life.

1. I realized AA style that my problem was beyond my control and I couldn't fix it with the ten million self help books on my book shelf collected over the course of my 20's and 30's
2. I admitted I had a massive problem and went and demanded a proper diagnosis from the very hard working GP who had been trying to prop me up in my failing life of standard employment with valium and ssri's and God knows what else for close on ten years.
3. I was diagnosed Aspergers and dyspraxic.
4. I decided enough was enough and went off sick for the maximum amount of time possible. Packed up thyroid and gall bladder surgery and buggered auto immunity issues all took center stage at this point.
5. I used my off sick and recovery time to get in touch with every aspergers specialist and charity I could find that would offer me free counseling and help me make sense of the fact my life had just collapsed into a realization that I had been running at walls for years thinking that with enough effort and self help reading the day would come when I would miraculously vault and not hit them.
6. They showed me gently and kindly why that was not going to happen and suggested I explore my aspergers strengths and limitations a bit more honestly with myself.
7. I embarked on a manageable life idea and wondered how that would shape itself and whilst doing that I moved to the most affordable living situation possible and claimed ESA along with PIP. This was tough but the space it gave me was valuable.
8. I wrote a list of what I could do without losing spoons and what made me lose them at a rate of knots and then ruthlessly built an 'ideal and manageable' life plan around that
9. I engaged with DWP to build a business as a disabled person with limited capacity for work and moved on to UC as my safety net.
10. My life is now manageable and legal and I am supported in growing a small business as a woman with aspergers.
11. My aim is to be 100% self sufficient and independent within the next three years, which is a good goal. It's rubbish being beholden to the state, but the state definitely has it's value in helping people like us to transition out of a socially driven fast path to illness.

This is how I got out and still had an opportunity to both live and build a life that is manageable and will not kill me bit by bit. It was a big stress in the midpoint of sick pay and learning about benefits and I had several months of 'poor' but following it through with support from autism charities got me through and the space to acknowledge who I am and what impact undiagnosed aspergers has had on my life and health was worth that to me.

The best thing was it gave me breathing space and an opportunity to re-build my life as a woman with aspergers. So worth it for me. Hope this helps someone out there who desperately needs an 'out' xx

Justgettingthroughtheday

Allotments are a good start for small growing and I believe councils are very pro getting allotments to neuro diverse people and others with protected characteristics especially if you are clear about your protected characteristic and why an allotment would be of benefit to you and your family/health community. I know a Syrian refugee and Father whose community life was transformed by being offered an allotment and gaining the friendship and support of all the people he met on it. Allotments are great for mental health and add to an independent and manageable life, also with opportunity to take as little or as much of the community of growing as you wish.

Awesome answer. Your perspective is fascinating. You’re giving me so much to think about.

OP, you're amazing!

@ManageableLifeLady You sound amazing and brave and I envy you. I am so, so close to turning my back on the “peopled” world but have no idea where to start as I’m so incredibly old and decrepit 😐😊

I really think I’d like it to be just me and my dog in a cabin in the woods.

Marvellous!