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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Calling Starfishbrain

2 replies

feindVicarInATutu · 26/10/2022 22:40

Star

My thread was deleted before I'd asked for it - apparently my "tone " was making for uncomfortable reading - but I have pm"d you and told my mate about you - very much hope you can help her .
Thank you xxxFlowers

OP posts:
feindVicarInATutu · 30/10/2022 01:43

I've pmd you star

Today was a new low and I can't keep doing this .

Friend invited me out on a shopping trip.
From the off her dd said she did t want me there , refused to move in the car to let me in .
Then for the journey kicked my seat and pulled my hair through the head rest .
Once there , she scowled at me , then began to barge into me at any opportunity. At one pint she barged into me then threw herself on the floor saying I'd knocked her .
She wouldn't allow me to walk next to friend , kicked me under the table in a cafe . Hit her mother when she told her to stop .

On way home her mum needed to call at shop - she put sweets in the basket and smiled .
I did say "I'd put those back " which her mother did . She screamed in the middle of the supermarket that we were starving her .
She told me she hates me , her mother has enough friends and she said you are literally next door (I live next door to them ). She said I need to move house .

I can't do this anymore . I asked her why she was upset at me coming shopping and she said people might think her mum and I are a couple .
I explained that friends do often go in shopping trips together because it's a friendly and nice thing to do .
She threw her water bottle at me .

I really want to support my friend but I can't if I'm being kicked , hair pulled , etc etc .

I tried to explain to the dd that her mum is allowed to make new friends and that she will likely make new friends at secondary school. She said that's different. She said she hates me and does t want to see me .

I tried to explain this could mean her mum might be quite lonely and she said "are you saying my mum is lonely ? (Love !) I said no but it's nice to have a neighbour that helps out and that's a friend . She kicked me .

I am basically being physically and verbally abused by a 10 year old child in order to maintain a friendship. I love my friend but I cannot - cannot - keep doing this .
I have no idea how to help .
All her dd wants is not to see me - sadly as I live next door our paths cross . This is a recent thing- for 6 months she's been ok with my presence .

My friend is going to end up totally isolated due to her dd - the neighbours at the other side wi t even speak anymore because this dd called her a bitch out of the window - she's never spoken to my neighbour or her dd since .

How can I help my friend ? Or
Should I simply do what the other neighbour did and back off and leave them to it ? (I do t want to do this as I do feel my friend values out friendship as do I . But I can't keep this up . I've said I won't go out again with them . It was exhausting.
I can see my friend is really struggling, but I don t know what I can do if anything anymore to help .
I'm tired of the abuse for simply living next door - dd hangs out of the window to shout that I'm ugly if her mother is talking to me over the fence .
Dd has been referred to CAAMHS but it's a 3 year wait . I've told friend to go to gp. Child needs assessment for PDA among other things . It's like mental gymnastics trying to speak to her . The easiest thing for me would be walk away but I enjoy my friends company and she enjoys mine - but her dd is absolutely utterly vile toward me even if I'm in my own garden having a coffee . Can I help or should I walk ?

OP posts:
stillvicarinatutu · 13/11/2022 01:44

Well! Dunno if you're reading star

Breakthrough!

I'd said to friend I wasn't going Friday night as usual cos wasn't prepared to be abused !

So friend said to dd - I wanted to ask vicar round Friday for our girly night and she was going to make us tea ....but I won't if you don't want her to come over .

2 hours later she tells her mum I'm her "bestie" and she wants me to come round and she wants to eat my cooking cos she likes it .

We had a lovely , uneventful Friday night !

Today dd is really poorly - she's had a nasty infection tht wont go - wouldn't eat anything so I sent some cadburys hot chocolate round which she had .

Next thing she FaceTimes me ! Chatting away . She was scared because her mum had rung 111 , so I was able to reassure her and said I'd get her a little pressie if she takes her antibiotics just like the doctor said she should .

Big grin ! I tell her I'll pop in and see her tomorrow.

This is bloody exhausting! But it does seem I'm still a "trusted adult" !

I'll go visit her tomorrow in her sick bed and take her a giant chocolate coin from Aldi ....

I got one for her but she's been so difficult I didn't give her it , it's ridiculous how shore a 10 year old can make me feel at times , but we seem to be back to where we were before the blip .

Maybe I shouldn't be this invested but I see them daily and her my is mate - and I do genuinely care about the little lass .

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