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Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Having covid has made it very obvious that I don't have friends

7 replies

AlternativelyWired · 22/10/2022 00:30

Well, school playground/school run friends. There's a mum I chat to every day and walk back with a couple of times a week and sometimes we go for a hot chocolate. We sometimes get together in the holidays with our dc and keep in touch. Other parents in the playground will have a good chat and always say a cheery hello even if I'm wearing my fuck off sign on my head that day. These mums have been to parties at my house and many venues-we've known each other for 4 years or so m, so they aren't smile as you pass type friends, they are people I engage with daily.

Ds and I have been at home for the past 2 weeks with covid. Not one person has messaged to see if there's anything we need or just to say hi. They know I'm a single parent with no help whatsoever and it's really brought home to me how I'm different and pretty much invisible. Covid has made me a bit wobbly emotionally so that might be contributing but it's shit. I feel bad for ds too that in two weeks none of his friends have said to their mum that he's not in school and can I message him to say hi. My ds does that for his friends and he's a popular lad in his class and the wider school so it's not like he's invisible like me.

This is why I don't like people. Cats and books are so much better.

.

OP posts:
mummac4 · 22/10/2022 05:11

Hi. I just thought i would leave a message to say thats crap what they done to you and dc. I hope your both feeling better.

AshGirl · 22/10/2022 09:04

Sorry to hear this, it's really shit. I think that NT people have 'levels' of friends and you can be on friendly terms with someone but actually only be a 'Level 4' friend.

I'm not explaining this very well but I frequently can't quite judge what level friend I am to other people. This means I either come across as 'too much' and/or I am baffled by the way people seem to blow hot and cold - especially between messages and IRL.

This was a very long winded way of saying that I sympathise and that I think that understanding NT friendships is really hard!

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

Gunpowder · 22/10/2022 09:10

When I had Covid lots of things that I would normally brush off felt deeply wounding. I think I cried every day! I think your expectations of your friends could be too high. People are busy and they may not have noticed you aren’t about, children are self absorbed (because they are children!) and have probably noticed that your son isn’t there, but more in a ‘oh I miss playing with X’ rather than ‘I wonder if he’s ok?’ Way.

Are you on a class WhatsApp? I would message that and explain you have Covid, I bet you will get lots of messages offering to help. I don’t think this means you don’t have friends, I just think they just need a push if you want their help.

Hope you feel better soon.

Asparagoose · 22/10/2022 21:56

I think that NT people have 'levels' of friends and you can be on friendly terms with someone but actually only be a 'Level 4' friend.
I have this problem too. I play bridge with a group once a fortnight. I think of them as friends. But then they have a party and I’m not invited. They invite about three of the bridge players but not the rest. So I guess I’m wrong to think we’re all friends - some are more friends than others. I can’t grasp this at all.

AshGirl · 24/10/2022 08:11

Asparagoose · 22/10/2022 21:56

I think that NT people have 'levels' of friends and you can be on friendly terms with someone but actually only be a 'Level 4' friend.
I have this problem too. I play bridge with a group once a fortnight. I think of them as friends. But then they have a party and I’m not invited. They invite about three of the bridge players but not the rest. So I guess I’m wrong to think we’re all friends - some are more friends than others. I can’t grasp this at all.

This sounds really tough, and I would be upset too.

It feels like there are so many 'secret' social rules that I am inevitably going to fail to comply with at least one of them. I am incredibly lucky to have a small group of friends who I have known for 25+ years and we are very understanding of each other. It helps that at least 1 other is autistic, and probably another 1 or 2 as well!

TheSecondMrsMoorcroft · 24/10/2022 23:05

That’s really unkind. I do hope you know that we are here and wishing you and DS, well again.

I always found the whole school clique thing really difficult.

Try not to fret and let us know how you’re both doing.

AlternativelyWired · 26/10/2022 15:14

Thank you. I'm just trying to get back to normal here but still feel exhausted by very little activity.
People are weird. That's my conclusion. No doubt the drink on the school run friend will be wanting to get together for a drink next week and I don't think I'll bother. I haven't the energy for term time friends. That's not a friend in my opinion. I'm off in search of the cats. I had a lovely purry cuddle from one yesterday🥰

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