Driving

[BrightWater]

I am in my 40s and very recently diagnosed/professionally assessed as autistic. My question today is about driving.

I have spent thousands on driving lessons over the years but am yet to be 'test ready' and the lessons fill me with dread and anxiety. I am able to drive a car per se, but the issues I have are when I have to deal with (what are to me) unexpected or unclear situations, such as roundabouts or other drivers making errors or not following the rules. These are all common things that occur on the road but to me they are confusing. I also dislike the intensity of being in a car under scrutiny next to an instructor for 2 hours. It is agony.

The problem is, I do need to drive, and time is of the essence. I have young children and live semi rurally. I also need to drive for work or I face losing my job. I know that plenty of autistic people drive without issue so I feel even worse not being able to. After a year's break from trying, and following my diagnosis, I have contacted some prospective new instructors and mentioned autism. I may be being over sensitive or paranoid but they have either not responded at all (despite messages being read) or not addressed my queries regarding their experience with autistic learners.

I feel hopeless.

Is anyone able to offer any advice or shared experiences? I am very upset. Thank you for reading.

I think that I am also feeling rejected by the instructors because this is the first situation in which I have mentioned being autistic. It is hard and frightening.

I'm sorry driving is proving challenging for you. I can't imagine how difficult it must be learning to drive now as the volume of traffic on the roads is way more than when I learnt several decades ago.

I have no experience to share as I found learning to drive easy. However, I do think that was down to my brilliant instructor as he had the nicest manner, infinite patience and he gave positive encouragement at every lesson.

Finding a good instructor is key. Perhaps you could contact NAS to see if they have a list of 'autism friendly' instructors? Or, if you have a local autism support group, a personal recommendation?

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/transport/driving/england

Thank you for your kind reply. I have taken your advice and emailed my local support organisation. I have also checked the NAS directory but there is nothing in my area at the moment unfortunately.

I did have an instructor for a few years (yes, it has been a long time that I am trying to drive!) who I know had young autistic (male) pupils and was very good with them (and this was before I even suspected I was autistic so neither of us would have known to try another approach for me) but I want to try someone new.

I think that I would like to hibernate for a year, please

I did have an instructor for a few years (yes, it has been a long time that I am trying to drive!) who I know had young autistic (male) pupils and was very good with them (and this was before I even suspected I was autistic so neither of us would have known to try another approach for me) but I want to try someone new.

If a former instructor has experience of autistic learner drivers, and you 'know' him, is there any particular reason you don't want to go back and want someone new?

I'm a creature of habit and tend to stick with the same people when I can (with everything), so please don't think I'm being obstructive asking the question. I'm genuinely interested.

I need a fresh start.

I really hope you find a good instructor 🤞🤞🤞

Thank you, I will share any updates

Are you driving a manual or automatic car?
If you are not driving an automatic, it might be worth trying it as it might remove a level of stress.

That's a really good suggestion @WeirdPookah .

I drove manual cars for over 25 years and on changing to an automatic, I vowed never to revert back to manual and kicked myself for not changing sooner!

@BrightWater - driving an automatic car is so much easier.

Unfortunately there are only a small amount of automatic instructors in my area and they are either booked up, have not replied, or have poor reputations. I will not give up though and I will keep looking.

Hello @BrightWater I just wanted to say that I'm learning to drive again too and struggle with the exact same things as you! Good luck with it all!

I found it very difficult to learn to drive. I was completely unable to learn to drive with an instructor. Firstly because I felt nervous with the instructor in the car watching me, and secondly because I needed a lot more time behind the wheel than most people would.

In the end I bought a car and got a relative to sit in with me while I drove. For hours and hours I just practised. I wasn’t able to anticipate situations and respond on the fly, I literally had to drive for hours until I had experienced every situation I was likely to encounter. Sometimes my relative drove and I just watched the road and learned what to do in different situations.

In most cases there are rules that you have to follow, even at roundabouts. Maybe your instructor hasn’t been clear enough about what these are? Regarding other drivers breaking the rules - be cautious and assume everyone is an idiot! I still find it helpful to say “he shouldn’t have done that!”

I still had to do the practical test ten times. I just kept rebooking it asap. I think in the end I struck lucky and got a test where nobody pulled out in front of me and nobody did anything that I wasn’t sure how to handle.

You need an automatic. As someone who is dyslexic and dyspraxic I would say this is non-negotiable as you will continue to waste money and valuable time learning in a manual. Get yourself on the waitling list for all the automatic instructors and tell them about the autism - that should get you fast tracked.

If you can’t & you can gey childcare them then you should consider a 2 week driving course (you can get ones aimed at autistic students£ somewhere equally as rural and pass that way.

BrightWater, I totally get it. Hibernation sounds good!

I only got my autsim diagnosis last year but actually passed my test over 20 years ago, took years to get to the test stage though. I still to this day have no idea how I passed. It was the third time and I was beyond anxious, but I obviously managed to do it on the day.
Even now I only drive locally. Mostly to places I'm familiar with and have to plan journeys well in advance. If I'm going to have to go somewhere new, that takes big planning and sleepless nights.

I also like a PP gave up on instructors and got a little car and Dh took me out. I passed in my own car.
I do consider myself a safe driver but I don't enjoy driving. And although driving had not given me huge freedom to travel anywhere. It has allowed me to take the children to appointments etc and given me enough freedom for my needs. Dh drives at the weekend and does all the driving around when we go further afield.

For what it's worth, I'm autistic and I have an absolute nightmare with roundabouts - not because they're difficult to deal with, but because of other drivers. More than any other road feature, they seem to encourage other drivers to be extra unpredictable.

All I can suggest is that you try to organise your test a) in an area without 5- and 6-exit roundabouts, and b) for a relatively quiet time.

Once you've got your licence, you can then practice as much as you want to spot the points where people are going to be stupid. You just can't get that experience while taking lessons, unfortunately.

There’s a trick to tricky roundabouts in the exam. If your instructor tells you to turn a way you’re uncomfortable with, safely go into a different lane and then loudly say I’m sorry I misheard your instruction then go along your merry way because the examiner will rarely make you return to the same roundabout. This is how I finally passed my test.

In real life a good rule of thumb is that if you could walk across the road you can drive & when you’re on the roundabout it’s best to be as quick as possiblez