Ruminating and overthinking social interactions

[OneFrenchEgg]

It's so tough. If things go 'wrong' or a word from someone else jars or I realise I've processed a question wrong and answered it at a tangent.
I spend hours depressed and going over and over things like picking a scab to make it heal. Never works and I never learn.
I don't seem able to move on - I think it might be because I've learned that usually it leads to some terrible outcome like everyone disliking me etc.
I don't know how to adult properly - I'm terrified of dm dying because currently I ring her and repeat conversations/emails/texts to try to make it ok.
I've had therapy but it doesn't fix it. I have OCD as well so the two work against me!

Well first of all, from an evolutionary perspective, social rejection from the herd massively decreased our chances of survival. Studies of, even mild, social rejection have shown that people experience it as very threatening, and often as physically painful.

Have you read about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)? That was like a lightbulb for me.

I’m hyper alert to people’s micro reactions, and can get struck dumb or become incoherent mid conversation. It’s horrible.I’ve only recently realised what was triggering it - and that I’m processing vast amounts of data in social situations so it kind of makes sense now why I’m exhausted afterwards and sometimes re running snatches of conversations for days.

It’s helped me a lot to be able to frame my experiences logically like this; and be able to say, well this is how my brain functions. I’m able to skip the self loathing (sometimes) and be more kind and compassionate towards myself. I can hold on and breathe through the worst of my RSD because I can call it that, and detach a tiny bit.

Oh wow that really resonated, especially about mid conversation. I'm a bit shocked not to be alone in that!
I will look up the term - it sounds interesting, especially if there are things I can try. It's exhausting.