Adult ADHD diagnosis - the benefits

[lifeturnsonadime]

I'm almost certain I have adhd. My children are both diagnosed with ASD and dyslexia and have poor executive functioning. The more I have researched their conditions and the comorbidities the more convinced I am that I have undiagnosed ADHD.

Examples of how this manifests:

1. Did well in school but struggled to meet demands of homework.
2. Struggled with Degree / university with executive functioning to the point that I could barely get out of bed to get to lectures, rarely did work and if I did it was left to last minute. In retrospect I think it's bizarre that this was never raised with me/ my parents by the university but perhaps it was the fact it was 30 years ago. Barely scraped my degree despite being bright.
3. Cannot do life admin, find it completely overwhelming. Can't open post, organise appointments, bizarrely I can manage these things for other people (my children) easier than I can manage them for myself. Have been in minor trouble, financial a couple of times for acting like an ostrich.
4. Struggle a bit with addiction, smoking when I was younger and now I drink too much but struggle to stop.
5. Struggle with my mental health, struggle with sleep. Have an endless stream of consciousness of what I should be doing and can't seem to ever do.
6. Endless string of life projects that are not finished/ barely started.
7. Basically my executive functioning is shocking.
8. I can hyper-focus and obsess about certain things. My hyper-focus has been ensuring my children get a decent education after school anxiety issues etc.
9. Struggled to keep down a job as an adult as overwhelming even though I am professionally qualified.
10. On the face of it i can be the life and soul of the party but deep down I'm very very socially anxious. I often cancel last minute social events because the thought of getting ready for them is too much.

Basically I am in two minds about diagnosis. What is the benefit? How long does an NHS diagnosis take? Are there any good private clinicians whose diagnosises are taken seriously by the NHS? I don't want to discuss this with anyone irl particularly because it seems really self indulgent and in our house I'm the one who 'copes' (at least on the face of it).

I think that if there is a magic pill that I can take that can assist me then I'd take it with open arms. I can't bear the thought that I might die without even really having started the things I want to do, let alone finished them.

Can anyone help or give any words of wisdom?

I was in a similar position, I was diagnosed earlier this year and told I have the most severe case of ADHD the psychiatrist had ever seen and he was absolutely baffled that I had made it past my degree with not a single person picking up on it. It only came to light when I went to my GP when I just couldn’t cope anymore after having my first child and I had been treading a fine line trying to stay on top of every day life for as long as I could remember. It depends where you are in the UK, NHS diagnosis I was told would be 12 months wait until first assessment, but after moving to a different area that jumped to 5 years waiting time, it depends on the availability of psychiatrists that specialise in it. In the end I paid £400 to have an assessment with a private psychiatrist.
Benefits if a diagnosis include reasonable adjustments at work or in education (your employer or educational institution have to take your condition into consideration by giving you extra time to complete tasks and being reasonable about your difficulty with things like timekeeping) and medication doesn’t fix it but it can really help, after just a couple of days of taking mine I was able to concentrate more throughout the day and I was calmer and less impulsive with my decision making, I could also keep my house tidy! The only downside is there is still a wait if you want to swap from private to NHS. I can no longer afford to keep seeing a private psychiatrist and paying for my private prescriptions in full, but I am nowhere near to being taken on by the local NHS services due to the wait, so I am now without the treatment I need to function well and quite frankly I’m heading into a bit of a depressive phase because of it. If you can wait for an NHS assessment or afford the private care then go for it because it may well change your life! But just be cautious about how it may affect you if you get into a situation like mine and make sure you prepare yourself that that could end up being the case. I wish you well, it’s such a creative neurodivergent condition to have but it makes living in the current societal structure a bit of a nightmare at times because we’re just not built the same as the majority! You do sound as though you could have ADHD though so a chat with your GP may be a good place to start

Alice, thank you for your reply it's really helpful and I'm so sorry that you are still struggling despite being diagnosed.

Do you mind if I ask you a question or two?

I don't know if I can afford to pay privately for prescriptions because I have no idea what they might cost, do you mind sharing? I know that I can afford a private assessment.

Have you shared with other people your diagnosis? How have they taken it. I'm really fearful that my famiiy will think I'm making it up or simply not get it. I know there is masking in autism I"m thinking that this is something similar? In retrospect I can't believe I have got away with being so shit at things, I think I get by just pretending or blagging things, I don't know if that makes any sense with what you've experienced.

All that I know is that there is something up. I tired anti depressants once and felt terrible on them. I don't think this is just depression. I do feel as though I just need to be able to organise myself / my thoughts and if I can do that and actually achieve what I set out to do occasionally I might stop feeling shit about myself.

I just feel rubbish through lost opportunties nd know that other people don't struggle so much with stuff that should be easy, like opening post, managing laundry, cleaning etc.

Your list above could be me almost 100%! I got a private diagnosis this year after bad NHS experience.

I am not sure exactly how to describe the benefits but I am deeply satisfied that I now understand something fundamental about myself.

I felt so guilty and useless for decades for being as you describe above. But it's me, that's how I am, and actually I'm not useless. I feel now that I'm not failing, but that I do have challenges and obstacles that I need to work at in my own way.

I am not trying medication for now, I take an AD which I think does help me in my situation - makes my mind somewhat less busy and tangled - but I know they don't help everyone with ADHD. Also taking HRT which seems to help a bit.

Personally I've told quite a lot of people . Several friends have said they think they may have it and are going to look into it - doesn't surprise me at all that I get on well with other possibly neurodivergent people. Older family members not interested/maybe don't believe, but whatever, it doesn't matter! Told employer who was v sympathetic, as was DC.

OP I felt the same, you’re not alone! It’s a tough time and I did tell my family, my father was somewhat dismissive not completely closed about it, whereas my mother felt some overwhelming guilt which I’ve reassured her it is not her fault that I underperformed at school and other things I was talented at, she grew up in an era where ADHD was almost unheard of so she couldn’t have known better when I was a child.

I pay roughly £11 for my private prescription and it lasts me 3 months, but I am on an unconventional treatment and I feel as though the controlled drugs that can be prescribed may be more, but you can usually find drug prices online so may be worth looking at some options. Drug treatments aren’t the only option though and for some people, having the diagnosis and going down a path of just accepting your differences and finding mechanisms of coping better with day to day tasks may be all you need, but your psychiatrist would discuss all the options with you to find the most suitable management. Sorry for slow replies, ADHD and young children leaves me chaotic as I’m sure you can relate 😂

This is me too. Just dawning on me. But I don't know how to be normal.

I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year and could have written your post. Had similar lightbulb moment after my son was diagnosed and realised I struggled with the same things.

I was fortunate to be able to get a private diagnosis and after some time reflecting have been taking a low dose of Elvanse for the last few months. It gives me about seven hours a day of focus when I can just get stuff done without have to try to get things done if that makes any sense? DH says I am much less stressful to be around and I feel more in control of life. I told my family but they don't take it seriously because I am outwardly successful (I have a good job because it something I can channels my creative strength into) and that has been frustrating.

I was diagnosed privately. My assessment cost me £800 and my meds, prescriptions and appointments have cost me £600 a month so far. I am moving over to the NHS next month thankfully!

Private can end up really expensive. I'm a student and I haven't been able to afford much else but it's been very worthwhile for me

From reading your list it sounds very much like you might have ADHD. Every single one of your bullet points resonates deeply with me and I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year. I am in my early forties with two young children. I managed to just about get by before having children, but all my coping strategies broke down after kids as I just couldn't compensate enough to keep all the balls in the air.

I sought a diagnosis after my therapist suggested I may have the condition. I went private as I couldn't face waiting for treatment on the NHS. The diagnosis cost me about £1,400 and involved three in-depth interviews with my doctor focused on my symptoms and the impairments I experience as a result of them. He also spoke to my husband and parents. Next, I underwent a titration process to find some medication that would help mitigate my symptoms. That process has taken 5 months and has involved starting me out on Elvanse (a stimulant medication) and slowly increasing the dose every 28 days. I am now on the max. daily dose of 70mgs. I paid £200 for each appointment with my doctor during the titration process (£1,200 across 6 appointments) and for the medication itself, which costs nearly £200 for a 28-day supply of 70mg capsules (you pay less for lower doses - around £60 for a 28-day supply of 30mg capsules if memory serves). Now my titration process is complete I am switching over to the NHS which will pick up the cost of my medication from here. I think it is possible to pay quite a lot less for the diagnosis and titration appointments, but I am based in London where these things tend to be more expensive.

Having an ADHD diagnosis has changed my life profoundly for the better in a matter of months. I'm sure it will change your life in a similar way. Meds have helped me manage my symptoms much more effectively, especially in respect of my ability to focus, resilience to stress and criticism and emotional dysregulation. I have more insight into and perspective on why I am the way I am, which further helps with symptom management. I'm kinder to myself as I no longer think the reason I'm no good at certain things is because I'm a terrible person. I have found community through ADHD podcasts, books and an "ADHD buddy" who I met through a friend and who I chat to daily about ADHD stuff. That's not to say I've got it all sorted. I will always have ADHD and will continue to experience the challenges which come hand in hand with the condition. However, having the diagnosis has really improved my life. It is always better to have the diagnosis than not, in my view.

Wow - that's a long post. I hope it helps!