Please help me make mornings more bearable

[Theillustratedmummy]

Hi all,

Mum of two ND children, with autism and adhd myself.

Adhd means I already struggle to get out of bed. I could literally cry every morning. I do get up though as I have responsibilities.

Mornings just make me so overwhelmed and quite angry or upset most days and that's all before I do a days work.

My dc demand so much from me. They are not the best at listening and require lots of support and cajoling to get ready. Eldest possibly has pda. Its a nightmare.
Youngest is an early risers and is 0-60 straight away. She then talks at me while I'm trying to get ready. Following me to ask questions or to play games as I go.
They both winge, argue and cry a lot.

I don't want to shout but I often do.
I have a full on day once I have dropped the dc off and I'm absolutely exhausted by 9am.
They do breakfast club a few days a week as I commute but its just the same minus eating and due to their ND I don't want them in wrap around anymore days.
I am organised so don't have masses to do in the morning. Its basic stuff.
Its just so hard, when mornings are my worst time of day to get 3 people ready. Especially 3 people (including me) are ND and have conflicting needs.
DH starts work early so can't help. He does so to finish early enough for pick up.

Please help me with tips on how to make it more bearable.

Also I'm not yet on adhd meds but im hoping it will be a magic wand. Had anyone found them to be worth it.

How old are your children?

I may be able to give advice in hindsight as my dc is ASD but teen now and I have only just found out I am ADHD.

I remember when DS was small it was a very difficult time. I made lots of mistakes. I can only offer suggestions now we are all older in things that could have made a difference. It is hard to see sometimes in the thick of it

Mine are 9 and 4 now.

I prioritise a calm morning over everything else. I’m not saying that to be smug, just to point out that every other decision in the morning is made with that in mind.

I wake the kids twice - once with kisses and cuddles and leave them to snooze for a while, then once I’ve had coffee and made lunches, they get a proper wake up call. I make breakfast while they are struggling up, so there’s still a margin before I need to get stern.

So at 4 I was still helping my dc get dressed with snuggly hugs. I figured if they could zip a coat and get their shoes on themselves that was what was needed for school. They would do that themselves going out to play in the afternoons. Just not in the morning. They eventually pushed me away, but while they were little I just wasn’t up for rows about dressing in the morning.
Even at 9 I’d help occasionally. I think I was still doing shirt buttons.

Ds needs a bit of time to sit and stare in the mornings, or he might disappear into a book while he’s eating. DD is more chattery and busy, and happy to put lunches in bags, etc. I’d never try and put chores into the morning

We have reminder alarms for when we need to switch from breakfast to grooming and finding coats and shoes. There’s a world of difference between the alarm and me saying it - much less push back from the dc. Apps help with teeth brushing.

The most important bit of evening prep is establishing where the shoes and coats are (guaranteed to send me hurtling over the edge of sanity).

We don’t do morning showers. Far too dysregulating. I’ve known parents who dress the dc the night before and I can understand why although mine live their pjs.

I’m probably going to get banned from MN now 😂

I have ADHD and am on meds. I used to find mornings a real struggle. I have two very young children and getting them out of the door in time to do the nursery drop off stresses me out way more than my high-pressure finance job! Big stress I can deal with. It's the everyday stuff that sends me over the edge. Since finding the right meds dosage (I'm on 70mgs of Elvanse), things have been SO much better. I find it calms me and I can just do stuff like a normal person. I still get stressed in the mornings, but to a normal degree. I feel like my background stress baseline has been lowered, so that little things no longer tip me over the edge. The effects are cumulative too - the more days you get under your belt where you cope fine, the easier things become. I also take steps to ensure I reduce the potential for stress - eg preparing stuff the night before. The really nice thing is my husband now does this too because he sees how it helps me. I feel a renewed sense of connection with him because of this. I strongly recommend trying out meds to see if they help you. Then, with a little prep the night before and some help from your partner, mornings (and the rest of your day) should go much more smoothly.