ASD - when do you stop masking

[Sixteenpastten]

Hi, My DD was diagnosed with autism last week (she’s 16). We’ve not had the report yet but I was talking to her about some of the recommendations they suggested in the feedback meeting and she said she doesn’t think any of it would help. One recommendation was to have a named person at college who my DD could go to when she was feeling overloaded. My DD says that this wouldn’t help because she’d just end up masking and trying to be polite.

she said the only time she doesn’t have to mask is when she’s by herself or when she’s with me. It’s exhausting for her.

Is there ever going to come a time when she can just be her own autistic self?

I'm not sure I ever do. It's ingrained by now. Your daughter is young though and might find it easier over time. It's mentally exhausting though to go from masking to not making then back to masking again in a short time which often happens in social situations.

The majority of people, whether autistic or not, tend to adapt their personality to fit in as it’s a key part of being human.

It may just be typical teenage behaviour at the minute but it’s down to your daughter whether she will stop trying to fit in and embrace who she is. If she does want to change has she got an idea of what her first goal would be and how she’d get there

I only stop when I am completely alone. I am getting a bit better at not masking in front of my husband, but after 48 years without a diagnosis I am afraid masking has become second nature. I'm glad your DD has received a diagnosis at a (relatively!) young age.

Is there a network at her college for Neurodivergent students - I am sure your DD won't be the only one - perhaps if she could link up with others, she might feel more able to drop her mask.

Thanks for the replies, she does have a few friends at collage who all have their differences. I think it’s just kind of hit us both that there’s no magic wand that comes with a diagnosis. She still can’t stand noises, still finds socialising exhausting, still cant sleep etc. It feels a bit like we can’t blame being a teenager for her outbursts etc. It’s kind of who she is and it feels absolutely massive at the moment.

I do not mask now apart from when talking to my children's teacher or when talking to doctors.
It's totally liberating but it does mean that I've totally cut down on my interactions with other people because my unmasked self is very noticeably autistic and I can't deal with (don't want to deal with) other people's reactions to that.

Has your daughter consider if she also has ADHD? It’s believed up to 80% of autistics are. Taking a stimulant has actually helped me get a better nights sleep and has made me less sensitive to sensory stimuli.

@SPSM Her counsellor has suggested getting her tested for ADHD. She does have a hard time organising/motivating herself. She has also had various tics and twitches which come and go. I guess that would mean another trip to the GP. I feel so overwhelmed with it all.