I don't know how I used to live the life I did. I seemed to cope with what looked like a normal life: full time work, commuting, parenting (even as a single mum), going on holiday, life admin, maintaining friendships etc.
It's all fallen apart.
I can't do normal things anymore. I'm having huge meltdowns over small changes in routine and getting extreme sensory overload from stimuli that didn't bother me before.
I'm totally dependent on my carer (DP) which is leaving me very vulnerable. I can't even get dressed or out the house without help. I can't make a meal. I can't make a phonecall alone.
Obviously this is crushing my mental health. I'm a shadow of my former self.
What I need is to break free from DP but I'd need a full time carer to replace him. I didn't even get PIP when I applied so there's no way I'd get any care.
If I was left to my own devices I'd just waste away and be one of those bodies that's found decomposed. I have no self care skills. I'm self harming because it's the only coping strategy I've got left.