Can I just have a moan?

[fuckadhd]

I’m not really looking for advice because really I know the things I need to put in place to ‘fix’ things but I just need to get this out.

I am so fed up of my life the way it is. I’m just treading water, barely staying afloat and being mediocre (only just that even) in everything that I do.

I’m sick of how I look. I’m sick of how crap I am at work. I’m sick of my rubbish diet. I’m sick of the mess in my house. I’m sick of everything feeling so overwhelming. I’m sick of being a half arsed Mum. I’m sick of never wanting to have sex. I’m sick of having no friends and being lonely.

Do others feel this way? I can’t even pull it together enough to take my medication on a regular basis - the very thing that might help me tackle the above.

It all feels so woven and interlinked that the only way to solve it is to solve it all at once. To basically become a different person but it’s never going to happen. Even if I do manage to improve things it will take a constant massive effort and I don’t know if I have it in me.

So sorry you feel that way. Disability is bloody hard work especially if not one of the feted ones where people are more understanding and helpful. (Perhaps there are no feted ones and it just looks greener the other side of the fence and they are looking back at us thinking the same)

Is one of the things you need to do to fix it cutting yourself some slack and thinking what you are achieving despite the extra difficulties you face? I am shit at this. I tend to compare with the best projected image of neurotypicals...(IE not even the bog standard ones, nor the best coping ones with the unedited truth, only the edited highlights and my imagined ideal)

(sitting in the mess of unpacking)

And not having cleaned up properly due to the packing and COVID and meltdowns and.....)

Totally understand
Most days I'm just surviving, not living.
No advice just total solidarity

Moan away, I am a fan of a venting thread, I've had my own before. It honestly makes you feel better to just yell at the world that this is unfair.
Life is a battle for so many of us and its just not fucking fair and you are not a failure, you are not wrong 💐

I know you said no advise so feel free to completely ignore this section, but I've been in the same situation, really really dark times tbh and I was struggling even with basic hygiene. One thing at a time, such as tablets or brushing teeth or whatever, concentrate on that alone and fuck all the other stuff. And use apps as a reminder. It's a tough, exhausting battle and just so much sympathy and cake for anyone stuck in the dark hole too. sorry if that's annoying and feel free to tell me to bugger off but someone told it to me and it really helped to take things one thing at. a time.

the things we could think of for ourselves when we are well and coping, do not come to mind when in the middle of not well/struggling. it's fine to point out these things. we all need a reminder.

I totally understand aswell and have been feeling the same way. I've been trying to be kinder to myself and not put pressure on myself. I still tend to look at myself through the lense of achieving neurotypical stuff and I have to realise that it's just not going to happen and I need to stop beating myself up. You're not alone @fuckadhd 🌷 so many of us can relate

Thank you for the kind replies!

I agree that we expect NT levels from ourselves (as does everyone else tbh) which is unrealistic. I need to try and remember that and yes, be kinder to myself.

I am always stuck between trying to be better and just accepting that this is my life and this is how it will look forever. I’m sure we’ve all been there where we swear that we are going to ‘pull it together’ and improve things? I’ve been there a million times. I know I sound defeatist but even as a child I was writing lists and timetables trying to get a grip on even getting ready for school on time and unable to manage it. What hope do I have as an adult trying to do that for my whole life?

Thank you again. It really does help to hear from others who are in a similar position.

I know exactly how you feel.

I just can't live the life NTs do (or even I could do when young).

But how do we figure out what 'normal' is for NDs?