New School: Same Problem

[Fladdermus]

So I started back at school last week (at 50). I thought everything was going well. My class seem nice and the woman I was sitting next to was really friendly, we went for lunch each day together.

Go in today and take my seat. New 'friend' comes in and takes a seat as far away as possible from me and then nips off to lunch very quickly so we can't go together. And I just don't understand it.

Walking down to the canteen by myself just felt like being a child at school again where I was always alone and always had to sit by myself as nobody wanted to be my friend. Thankfully I was included by a group of classmates from Afghanistan who are extremely friendly and welcoming. But the thought of sitting in the corner by myself again makes me so tearful.

Don't know what I want to achieve posting this. Just need to get it out.

Oh, that's horrible. It must have been so hurtful to see your 'friend' avoiding you for no apparent reason - yes, so many memories of childhood school 'friends' doing just that.

I really hope there's some explanation for what she's done.

I'm glad the Afghanistan folk were inclusive, at least.

That kind of thing is why I tend to 'walk alone' at work nowadays. I will accept company if it comes my way, but I don't try to make friends any more - it feels safer.

I hope your actual classes and study are going well - try to focus on enjoying the learning side of things, and take anything beyond that as a bonus.

Normally I would do the same. But the whole purpose of this school is to learn the local language and so I have to interact with others. The best learning comes from chatting with the others, although I only do 50% as I need time to go home and scream into a pillow. I can get by with the written language but am absolutely useless at speaking it.

You’ve interpreted her behaviour through the frame of your experience, but it’s not the only explanation.

she could have received some bad news and not felt able to face anyone or, she might be struggling with RSD and cringing from something she said yesterday. You don’t really know. And if she is just a bit of a bitch, you’ve got a heads up early on.

I know it’s hard not to be triggered and dragged down, but this isn’t your childhood school and it’s not inevitable that the past will manifest again.

Koko! You can do this!

This is a good point @Trivester

It's really hard to not be triggered by past events and I completely understand why you would be upset by this behaviour. It sounds so unsettling.

Please hold onto the fact that you haven't done anything 'wrong'.

All the best with your studies and making new friends 🌻

Yes it's a good point. There was a guy there on the first day who was horrible, aggressive and just oozing 'fuck off and leave me alone' vibes. Even I picked up on them. Next day, he was full of smiles and friendly to everyone.

People are so hard to understand.

@Fladdermus People are so hard to understand.

So true!!!!!!

I've given up trying to work people out. It makes life easier that way 😀