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Original poster

I know I'm spiralling, can anyone help

4 replies

unicormb · 28/08/2022 11:41

For info, I am autistic, and I know functionality isn't the done thing now but people would say I'm extremely high functioning, because I mask so well. I have a DS, 8, who is diagnosed as moderate functioning, and also has a learning disability. We have quite a bit of support in place for him thanks to our social worker, and have recently been granted direct payments to employ a PA for a few hours a week.

My son has been going to a summer club and one of the staff there is also staff at his special school, so she knows him well and has a great relationship with him. She found me and offered to be his PA, and I was delighted because I know her and trust her.

We exchanged quite a few texts you and fro about my DS and once I'd spoken to the people that deal with the HR side of things I had to send her quite a lengthy text requesting some details to authorise a new DBS check. I did apologise for how lengthy it was, and explained this is new to me and I'm just doing everything 'by the book' to make sure it's all ok.

I haven't had a response since. Most of my other texts were replied to very quickly.

I'm spiralling a bit now thinking she has decided that she no longer wants to work with us, as I sent the text on Friday and haven't had a reply. But I'm also very aware it's a bank holiday weekend and that she might just be having a good rest and will reply next week.

Because I'm autistic this is taking up way too much of my thoughts. Any tips for reducing it and stopping myself from spiralling?

OP posts:
BoardLikeAMirror · 28/08/2022 17:13

I would be feeling just the same @unicormb Sad.

It can help me to do this exercise:

  1. Ask the question - 'Is there anything I can usefully do about this now?'
  2. If the answer is yes, do it (n/a in your case)
  3. If the answer is no, then set a time when you can and will do something about it - e.g. 12:00pm Tuesday (to give a chance for her to reply in the morning)
  4. - this bit is really crucial - 'close' it by creating a tangible reminder - a reminder on your phone/physical calendar/diary/ note stuck on your fridge.
  5. Then if you find yourself thinking about it, just repeat that you have created a reminder and that is all you can usefully do at this moment.
Original poster
unicormb · 28/08/2022 17:26

Yes I'll give it until Weds I think, and then I'll msg one more time saying 'Are we ok to proceed with this, if not that's a shame, but I would respect your decision and no hard feelings'

OP posts:
BoardLikeAMirror · 28/08/2022 19:07

That sounds like a good plan and message. I hope it turns out she has just been too busy to respond - if you needed lots of info from her for the DBS check, that's not going to be a quick text she can dash off while doing other things, so she may just need to set aside time to answer it.

Original poster
unicormb · 28/08/2022 19:19

BoardLikeAMirror · 28/08/2022 19:07

That sounds like a good plan and message. I hope it turns out she has just been too busy to respond - if you needed lots of info from her for the DBS check, that's not going to be a quick text she can dash off while doing other things, so she may just need to set aside time to answer it.

Yes, it's just weird that she previously replied to be straight away and now nothing, but I'm hoping she is still on board

OP posts:
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