Can you meditate?

[ofwarren]

I've tried in the past and mostly nothing happened. I still have my usual thoughts racing around my mind. One time though, it was like a switch had been turned off and I was terrified! The thoughts stopped and I scrambled to get them back in panic. I really hated the sensation.

All the articles I have read seem to say that meditation is of benefit to neurodiverse people. Maybe if I'd have pushed through the fear, it would have got better.

Have you had any success with meditation?

I've tried in the past and mostly nothing happened. I still have my usual thoughts racing around my mind.

I used to be like this. Every time I tried to relax and clear my mind, my brain went into overdrive.

I entered into therapy many years ago and psychologist talked to me about the benefits of mindfulness way before mindfulness became 'a thing'. He encouraged me to try to practice it, once a day, every day. At first, I was very sceptical, but with his guidance and encouragement, I managed to master it. I can still get my mind into a state of calm just by breathing properly and focusing on my breathing. I allow any intrusive thoughts in and on the out breath, I visualise the intrusion leaving my body. It's a worthwhile technique to master. Not easy, but doable with practice.

I do wonder what would have happened if I'd have carried on. I just panicked at having a quiet mind because I'm not used to that at all.

I felt panicky too. My mind is never quiet unless I make a conscious effort to get into a relaxed state.

The therapist taught me that nothing would happen, that I was safe lying on my bed, in my own home, just breathing. It probably sounds stupid, but it was so hard for me to grasp that as the thoughts were/are intrusive and that caused me to panic.

I have the added complication of significant childhood trauma which was the underlying reason I was in therapy in the first place, but once I came to terms with the fact that my 'parents' cannot harm me now, I am an adult no longer in their 'care' it became easier.

Perhaps it might help you to examine the reasons for your feelings of panic?

I'm always a bit worried about examining trauma as I'm scared it will open a can of worms with my mental health.
I had a bit of a rough upbringing, issues with parents too and went through a dire time as an undiagnosed vulnerable teen involving abusive men and drugs etc. I don't know if it's something I want to revisit to be honest.
Hard to know what to do for the best when I've never really suffered with mental health issues except a period of disassociation in my late teens.

I don't feel these things affect my life now and haven't for a very long time. It might be best to leave it, just in case it causes issues.

I can meditate, if by meditate you mean: slow your body and mind, sit calmly and still, and just switch off a bit- I tend to use it as a way to pray so will repeat a celtic circle prayer/ bible verse type thing so my mind isn't fully blank, just focused on tbe specific thing I've chosen to think on/ pray that day. Having said that, I haven't done it for ages!

Mindfulness doesn't help me and makes things worse- I was encouraged/ taught to do it when I was suffering from PND/ PNA and it just heightened my sensory overload/ tendencies to overthink and notice everything and I think in retrospect it did more harm than good- this was way before I realised I was neurodiverse, and I just folllowed the instructions given even though I felt more agitated afterwards.

If you have trauma in your past that you don't feel the need to think about or process now, I would avoid anything thats too reflective and introspective on the past, but maybe future-thinking or "now" mantras/ phrases could help if you try the moments of stillness type of meditating?

I (impulsively) got a book on my Kindle either for free or £1.99, that I'd heard about on a podcast.

It's called 'meditation for fidgety skeptics' and it kind of turned my idea of meditation on its head a bit. In that the point is the bit where you're distracted and your mind is wandering and then you notice and bring it back . Not the sitting with a clear empty mind.

I thought it couldn't do meditation at all, because I couldn't last 10 seconds without my mind buzzing off somewhere.

I also downloaded the free app for it and have used the guided meditation a bit as well.

I'm still shit at remembering to actually do it, mind you 🤦

This is in fact a timely reminder 😅👍

Years ago I used to attend a group and sometimes we did guided meditation and I enjoyed that and could do that. But I cannot "empty" my mind and have it be quiet.

No - my mind refuses to shut up!

The most helpful book I have found for trying to achieve more mental calm was one called 'Finding Sanctuary' by Abbot Christopher Jamison, a Benedictine monk. I happened on it because (despite being an agnostic myself) monastic orders are one of my special interests. You don't have to be of any religious faith to follow the ideas in the book.