I don’t want to write an essay here so the short version is that I’m getting overwhelmed between sn dc, teenager stuff, elderly dps, marriage strain, health problems, menopause, chronic exhaustion, etc and I am struggling with practical aspects of parenting and I need help. I don’t know where to turn.
It’s not a knowledge problem and most parenting courses seem to focus on the why. My problem is how - push through, executive function, marshalling energy - it’s an adhd problem. But I’m undiagnosed and likely to remain so. In Ireland the hse don’t recognise adult adhd, and the psychiatrists who can assess it have waiting lists that are years long and closed (I’m on a waiting list to go on a waiting list). Medication would probably help but it’s not on the horizon.
I can’t get decent help for ds so I don’t think there’s going to be anything meaningful from the state. Even the odd times we’ve had helpful professional support, it comes as a 6 week block and then vanishes.
I don’t know what I should even look for.
When I try and reach out for help I invariably end up masking, to the point where I convince myself I’m fine. It’s an instinct that kicks in. And mothering failures are so weighted with shame and judgement. I need to be able to talk openly about problems like getting the kids to brush their teeth to someone who understands why that might not always be completely straightforward and help me sort it rather than shaming or judging me or being shocked. I’m vulnerable to rsd and I can’t risk getting emotionally damaged when I’m hanging on by a thread as it is.
Also there’s a limit to how much money I can throw at this so I want to channel it into whatever resource will most benefit the family.
I’m a sahm, and this is my actual purpose. I’m considering whether going out to work might be the way forward but that’s not straight forward and I don’t know that I could that I can pay for my replacement either, and there would still be a lot of the same problems anyway to deal
with at the end of the day.
An adhd coach might be one option, but I don’t know if parenting is something they would help with, or is that more geared to business coaching? I also don’t know any.
Or would I be wiser to buy practical help like cleaning to maybe free up energy? Although I suspect at this point a cleaner might add more mental load.
Or get a childminder/student to take the dc to activities, manage homework a couple of times a week.
Any thoughts or advice? If anyone has used a service that has helped, I’d love to hear about it. or really, anything that might help at all.