Worth pursuing ADHD assessment?

[RaingodswithZippos]

I'm pondering whether to ask my employer to refer me to Lexxic for an ADHD assessment. I'm 43 and had never considered I might be ND, I am a little quirky but I thought that was just how I am.

I started dating someone at the start of the year who was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, and have had to take a crash course in it because my BF was suspended from work a month after we met, because of becoming emotional in a meeting and swearing, because he was extremely stressed. I'm a union rep and so I offered to represent him in his disciplinary, the allegations were discriminatory in nature and so I waded through his medical reports, researched ADHD and emotional dysregulation.

As I was learning more, I started to relate to a lot of the things that are associated with inattentive ADHD, that I had always dismissed as me being scatty, disorganised, lazy, easily bored. I coasted on my intelligence at school, never doing homework and losing things, but always being able to get straight As despite not applying myself fully. I was reasonably charming with my inability to ever turn in homework so teachers never wrote about this in my reports, because I was getting the grades.

My BF gave me a fidget spinner a few weeks into our relationship because he noticed that if my hands are free, I'm scratching myself or digging my nails in and don't realise I do it. He made a throwaway comment about he's noticed some tics, maybe I have ADHD too? I said I doubted it, but this was before the research I did.

A few weeks ago my friend was talking about her ADHD and said she thought I had it because we are really similar. She sent me a link to a questionnaire pre screening thing and the results indicated there was a strong possibility I have it. I told my BF, who just said that it was obvious to him 7 months down the line, he had suspected before but now he was sure. I've spoken to a couple of ND colleagues who both think they recognise ND traits in me.

I am considering asking my manager to refer me for a Lexxic assessment mainly out of curiosity, and also because if there are any reasonable adjustments that may make my life easier, that would be good. Is that a good enough reason to pursue it? I don't know how I would prove that I was impacted as a child, other than being a constant Dolly Daydream and easily distracted, impulsive as a teen doing risky things, I can't get my old school reports because I'd have to tell my parents why I want them, and they "don't believe" in neurodiversity and think my BF is a dangerous Leftie who uses a label to make himself feel special. (They have issues with life generally and me dating anyone specifically).

Sorry for the War and Peace, I wanted to include the context.

I'm firmly in the formal assessment/diagnosis camp. I don't believe in 'self identification' of anything - I say self ID as we're not qualified to diagnose so the term self diagnosis, I find, is a paradox.

If you want reasonable adjustments at work, your employer may require a formal diagnosis. I'd advise that if you do want RA at work, contact Access to Work for a work based assessment as their assessment/report/recommendations carry some weight in terms of the RA being put in place by the employer.

I found my diagnosis of autism to be hugely beneficial, personally and for work. My ADHD diagnosis has also been beneficial at work, not so much on a personal level as I'm not really sure it fits, but that's another story 😁

Anyway, I say go for it. You have nothing to lose.

I totally agree about "self ID" - it's no use thinking it's one thing if it's another. I don't know as I would share my suspicions with people, I'd just carry on as I am.

I've completed a CSWAS referral with my manager today to ask for a Lexxic assessment. That will then inform whether any RAs are suggested. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but hopefully I should find out more with an assessment.