My husband has not been diagnosed, however I have suspected he has ASD and ADHD for the last 8 years. We went to 2 totally separate relationship counsellors and both suggested (without me saying anything at all) that DH possibly has ASD and that it might be something to explore to help navigate our relationship.
He is in total denial and refuses to explore this. He was insulted by their suggestion and vowed never to return to relationship counselling. He seems to think that being autistic makes him defective in some way.
So I'm basically having to work out how we navigate through this. The biggest problem that we have is trying to work together as a team towards an end goal. So we will decide something- for example, we will meet back at home at 3.30pm and he 'forgets' and does his own thing regardless and so spoils our plans. Many times, the timings, the plans are his idea, but he still loses track, forgets or mismanages his time.
He also always seems to have his own private agenda which never gets communicated despite him agreeing or even coming up with the thing we've agreed on. He'll do things like suggesting he'll cook dinner,but disappearing to the garage at dinner time instead not communicating this and we assume he's making dinner and he isn't.
It's at a point where I am becoming mentally run down and distressed living like this. How can we work together to bring up to young children and be a family when he basically just operates with a solo, private purpose which I never know anything about? I am trying to keep this marriage together but I don't think I can take much more. He's done this 3 times this week as we're off work together.
-He stood me up when he suggested a time to meet at the house, I'd made plans to take the children out and he never returned with them and I couldn't reach him on the phone.
- He went off to the garage instead of making dinner after he said he would go and make it.
- He decided he was going to spend a whole day doing his hobby the day before we were going on holiday when we needed to pack and he had agreed that there was lots to be done. I then couldn't pack for holiday as I was caring for 2 young children whilst he spent the day at a track in his race car. He didn't communicate his plans until the night before and only did so because I communicated to him that it might be a good idea for him to take the kids out for a couple of hours.
Stuff like this happens all the time.
I'm tired and I don't know how I can continue navigating our lives like this.