Are there any other ADHD mums on here?

[PortPatrol]

Hello,

Are there any other mothers with ADHD on here who could just give me some general life advice please?

I’ve struggled with the basics all my life, terribly unorganised, forgetful, panicky, impulsive etc
(not the mention the anxiety, depression, insomnia)

My DC is 2 and I’ve recently become a lone parent. How did you keep on top of things? I’ve muddled through when my DH was around, but he isn’t now and I’m struggling, things are messy and disorganised. I’m going to start DC in nursery a couple of mornings to get on top of cleaning and cooking (I bought a slow cooker but it’s still in its box right now, classic), but do you have any suggestions on how to get by without being a total disaster and ensuring my son is supported? I’ve bought a calendar and I’m making lists.

I’ll be honest, I’m a bit scared right now. I have horrible visions of me not coping. I have no nearby family of my own to help, but my MIL is nearby who will do some bits and bobs.

thank you

Sorry, this was meant to be in parenting - would it be better there? Do I repost?

Hi OP!

Firstly, welcome and sending you a big unmumsnetty "hug" as I sympathise with how difficult things feel right now.

It might be worth asking @mnhq to move this to the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board, as you will get more helpful responses there (no offence to AIBU!)

Is ex-DH about at all to co-parent?

hello @amijustparanoidorjuststoned - thank you so much! And I’ll ask them to move it.

DH will be in another country so won’t be around at all, I need to some how worn out things for myself.

I’ve got w tray for paperwork and a calendar set up and I was thinking about setting up online shopping so that I am not making stupid impulse purchases? I just so want to be that organised, safe mum but I’m worried my child is going to suffer because I can’t remember the basics of my own life sometimes. I didn’t think about the impact when I got pregnant, I feel guilty about letting my child have me for a parent sometimes!

Hey, OP, we're going to move this over to neurodiverse mumsnetters for you now.

Thank you @CarolineMumsnet!

What treatment/support do you have in place for your ADHD just now?

Nursery place for your DC sounds like a great idea. So does online shopping. I think it’s a good idea to automate as many aspects of life as possible.

I also think it’s important to always give yourself permission to do something the “easy” way instead of what you may consider to be the “proper” way that a neurotypical person may do. If cooking elaborate meals from scratch is not your thing, that’s ok. Choose the manageable/affordable alternative. Similar approach when it comes to judging what constitutes a “disaster” - your DC can still be happy and loved in a messy home.

Dc can actually be quite stabilising because they have such immediate, unignorable needs! Keeping a routine in place for a toddler is easier than doing it for yourself.

Keep things simple wherever you can.

I don’t want to bombard you with a load of resources you don’t have time for but I find I get the boring housework done faster with a podcast in my ear, or the dishes/ironing done watching you tube.

The Minimal Mom is great for keeping you in the headspace of owning less (clutter is our downfall)
A Slob Comes Clean is brilliant for housework (flylady and TOMM are good too.but I got on better with this)
The Lazy Genius straightens my head out when I’m over thinking - brilliant for figuring out what matters and what doesn’t.

My daughter will be three in Sept. Below are my strategies:

She goes to the childminders three days a week to give me a break

Alexa - I have one in every room so if I need to remember something I can ask her to add it to the relevant list, such as my food shopping list. I also have alarms set up to remind me when I need to leave for the childminders etc

I take 40mg Elvanse on my childcare days and then a morning top up on my workdays. A lower dose helps me cope with the every changing tasks my daughter wants to do.

Go out - I find I’m much better at interacting with her if we go to the park, sit on a bench and watch cars etc. I take her out eat least twice a day to ensure we have quality time

If I’m struggling with impulse spending I draw out cash and put it envelopes e.g food, petrol etc. This stops me overspending.

I also have a number of ready meals/pizzas in the freezer to stop me from ordering takeaways

I have a random clutter box that I throw everything in off the table and clear out every few weeks at least. This reduces the mental load of going round everyday to put things back in their place

Alexa is a huge help. A simple meal plan likewise. And honestly being alone will be easier than being in a bad marriage.