Is it worth the stress?

[Afonavon]

I aged 54 am realising that I have ASD. I am not diagnosed, but have soooo many traits. I have written them out and was going to send the list to the GP for a referral. Then I looked online at the health boards diagnosis criterion and stopped myself.

Although I score very highly on the many online ASD tests and tick lots of boxes, I mask so much and get on with life ( granted painfully, full of dread, anxiety and exhaustion trying to fit in).

Is it worth getting a diagnosis when I am living my life anyway? Am I taking resources from someone needing them more.

I only want a diagnosis for my own self worth, that I am not a weirdo (as I was considered as a child), I am not rude, anti-social, annoying, confused, odd etc…I am autistic.

However the irony of the situation is that I can’t face the new people, places process that jumping through the hoops to be diagnosed will entail. I am highly anxious at the thought of it. Why can’t it just be a questionnaire? Surely the stress of trying to get diagnosed is putting off everyone who gets stressed having to go through it?

Sorry for the brain dump. I am just frustrated that I have fallen at the first hurdle.

This sounds so much like me. I could have written it.

It was only when my adult DD was diagnosed with ASD that it dawned on me, I too was on the autistic spectrum. I’ve struggled with life up to this point wondering why I felt so different to everyone else.

I too considered getting diagnosed but I’ve yet to do it mainly because I know it will be confirmed, hence why bother. Obviously just my personal decision.

I now plan to be so much kinder to myself, learn what I can to help me and put my new knowledge to practice. I’m hoping my self worth will improve as I’m so low right now but am taking one v e r y small step at a time 😀

I’m not pushing you either way but it’s worth considering that the diagnosis might be useful one day and it might be easier then to get the support you need, rather than starting from scratch looking for a diagnosis during a difficult time.

I’m very conscious of my uncle’s needs as an older, undiagnosed autistic man, dependent on care and in and out of hospitals. When I’m available to advocate for his care needs he is treated with a lot more compassion and kindness than he’s capable of garnering with his social skills.

He was a very successful and competent individual in his middle years, particularly at a time when his niche competencies were more valued. And he was robustly healthy - never missed a day of school or work through sickness.

But now one of his big issues lies with the language of pain and sickness - he’s not speaking the same language as medics.

It has made me more aware of the importance of preparing for potentials and unknowns.

Also I want to add that I believe there are FAR more people with autism and adhd than have been recognised to date. By pushing for recognition we’re helping to create better services for the next generation. That’s nothing to feel any guilt over!

@Trivester - there are some really good points in your posts.

For me, being assessed and diagnosed in my early 50's was a very validating experience. There was never any question, to me, that I would not undergo an assessment. Once the seed had been planted, I had to know. It was not enough for me to 'self identify' as I don't believe in self identification of anything.

A feature of my autism is becoming fixated on certain topics/things and 'my need to know' was all consuming. Had I not undergone the assessment process, I don't think I'd have ever slept again!!

Do I have to actively convince my GP to refer me, or is asking enough? I am anxious about the process.

Some GPs can be dismissive but they HAVE to refer you. If they are funny about it, ask to speak to someone else.
If you take all the tests you have done and literally write the list of all your traits, they shouldn't say no.

I might have written this.

I was diagnosed in my 50’s. It was confirmation of what I knew and allowed me to be kinder to myself. However, being such a good “masker” even close members of my family felt that it was impossible for me to have Aspergers (my actual diagnosis). So much, post diagnosis, made sense. I have only just told my step kids (5 yrs post diagnosis) as I felt DH was not acknowledging some of the difficulties I have. He didn’t want to tell them.

See your GP. Times are hard right now in the NHS but, insist on referral. Your needs are as valid as any other person.

I wish you luck. You know the answer to your question but “knowing” may give you some peace.