Advice for a NT over thinker

[KronkeyCroc]

I really hope you don’t mind me coming to the ND board for advice. I’m NT but from what I’ve read some of what I do is experienced by ND people so I was hoping for a bit of help. I’ve also posted on Chat but thought I may get more help here. if this is offensive then let me know and I will ask to have it taken down as the last thing I want to do is offend anyone, as you will see!

My brain constantly over thinks things and just never stops. Replaying conversations or text messages and worrying about how I’m perceived or if I’ve offended anyone. I don’t have many friends so always think I must come across and weird and spend a lot of my life trying to work out why! I’m told I’m nice. So maybe nice but weird?

I also worry about my kids and I’m always looking forward and catastrophising about them. I was a sad teenager with few friends and no confidence so I’m constantly worrying they will be the same. They are 6 and 4 and seem happy to put my worrying into context!

This over thinking also doesn’t stop while I’m having a conversation. So I’m always concentrating hard to listen and be engaged and not talk over people or talk too much but still talk a bit but today the right thing. So maybe all this makes me come across as distracted? I can lose the thread of a conversation due to worrying about taking part in the conversation!

Does this sound familiar to anyone and if so any good tips for getting it to stop/ minimise it? I listen to podcasts to fall asleep and give me something other than the thoughts to focus on. That mostly helps at night but seems to be getting worse in the day.

Thanks in advance.

I know it’s going to sound patronising to suggest, straight off, that you could have adhd! It’s worth having a look at how it presents in adult women - many of us are as far from the stereotype of the hyperactive, disruptive school boy as you can get!

ADDitude have really excellent podcasts you might find helpful, or Women and ADHD with Katy Weber might resonate (I love how often she, or her guests, loose track of what they were saying - it feels like a conversation I’d be at home in)

A couple of terms might help you find out more about what you’ve described -

RSD or Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria might explain some of the over reaction, worrying and replaying conversations.

Masking might be at play here too in that experience of analysing and monitoring your part in an interaction

Many women experience hyperactivity internally as a constantly thinking busy brain - it’s actually quite unusual to be hyperactive past childhood - the name adhd is frustratingly problematic,

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve read a little bit about ADHD and adult women presenting later in life. I admit that I do recognise a lot of of what people discuss but not all of it which is why I’ve assumed that I’m NT. But Maybe I should look into it a bit more?

I’ll definitely check out that podcast and a quick Google of RSD definitely sounds like me!

I would absolutely describe my brain as hyperactive, not my physical self. I feel very restless if I’m not “doing” something (doesn’t have to be very physical) or have a plan for the day.