When RSD meets a change of plan...

[ChocoButterfly]

...I can't cope. Well I can cope but it's just so painful.

When my husband asks me on a Friday can he go out on Saturday I feel awful. I get a pain in my chest, I feel like he doesn't want to spend any time with me. I feel like I'm a horrible person and no one wants to spend time with me.

When I have plans it's always weeks in advance, that's just how my friends and I do things.

I want my husband to have a good social life. I don't want him to dread asking me. I don't want to feel so awful about him going out.

I think I need to be vulnerable and tell him how bad I feel when he asks me so that I can tell him to message me about it instead of calling me to ask. As I really don't want to talk when I'm feeling that bad.

I feel pathetic for feeling this way. I don't want him to know I feel this way as I don't want it to get in the way of him going out.

I wish I could improve but I don't think it's possible.

Anyone else deal with this? Have you managed to make any improvements?

Aw I get you! I used to feel like this a lot. Once I remember I called the Samaritans in a fit of RSD. And I don’t anymore actually. I think it stopped after I had my DD but I’ve no idea why that would be! It seems like a good idea to tell your husband.

Separating out the rsd for a second, it isn’t unreasonable to want to spend time with your spouse, or to not want to feel like a second best option if they’ve nowhere better to be.

That’s not to say people shouldn’t have a social life, but equally that you should be able to make plans too.

I’m not sure how much of this is down to your issues? And what parts are exacerbated by relationship issues?

I’m not dismissing the rsd part - I struggle a lot (it’s been so helpful to have a name for the reaction). I don’t talk to dh about it because I don’t want to inadvertently end up in a controlling dynamic, and the times when I’m affected really do feel like I’m being massively unreasonable.