ADHD in Girls - Help please!

[MammyandAva]

My daughter has just turned 7 and is currently being assessed by CAMHS. From a young age she has always displayed different behaviours - hair wrapping, repetitive behaviours and violent outbursts. She looses focus on any tasks, doesn't play with toys and flies off the handle at anything out of her control.

Her behaviour is only shown at home. At school she has always been amazing and they say there are no issues with her behaviour or concerns.

After hitting breaking point, I managed to get a referral to CAHMS from my GP who is looking into ODD, ADHD and possibly ASD. My worry now is that assessments have to be done by her school who are not seeing any issues.

I have explained to the school that it's as if she is two different children.

Her need for control is overwhelming and her general attitude toward me is awful. No forms of punishment work, she doesn't display any emotion when it comes to her behaviour and how it upsets me.

Has anyone else's little ones been able to change their behaviour between school and home? If so, do you have any advice please?

One of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD is that the behaviour happens everywhere.
However, what you describe doesn't sound like ADHD to me.
Masking, or presenting differently in different environments is much more linked with ASD. As does the sensory seeking and the emotional differences.

Argh typed a big long reply and mumsnet froze 🤣🤣
My DD is 12 and we’re currently trying to get a referral to CAHMS for an ADHD assessment.
She previously had no behaviours at school but since moving to HS is starting to exhibit some red flags there- nothing too bad but school definitely in agreement ADHD is a possibility. Conversely her pastoral teacher said girls with ADHD can mask at school but they find the move to HS can make the mask slip. At primary her behaviour was fine although she was following a dyslexia program/ receiving learning support which we now think is probably linked to ADHD.

The control and lack of emotion do suggest more ASD than ADHD to me too although I am far from an expert in these things! Hope you get the help you need.

I will add when DD was a similar age I had to push for her dyslexia assessment and LS teacher at the time said she hadn’t seen any signs of dyslexia in DD but said she’s complete a checklist for her which led to her being put on the dyslexia program. It could be once school actually sit down and look for the signs they’ll become apparent whereas if her behaviour is fine at school they’ll maybe miss some of the subtler things if that makes sense?

12yr old just diagnosed. Had to pay for private as what we always put down to 'high energy' became a living hell in lockdown and then more obvious in high school.

I am autistic and have ADHD and am raising a daughter who is the same.

You believe she doesn't display any emotion towards you, what exactly happens? My LO, like many ADHDers, is extremely sensitive to rejection. In the situations, you describe she'd go in on herself and be unable to talk so we'd discuss these situationsns later when she has the capacity.

There's many girls with ADHD who are absolute angels at school and then let it all out at home when they feel safe (I was like this too). At school my ADHD traits were displayed by nipping to the toilet more often than my peers, moving in my chair, the standard of my homework was better than my school work but I was a perfectionist (to avoid rejection).

As I was quiet, academic and didn't cause any trouble, my teachers believed I was a model student. I found the whole experience to be exhausting.

Her emotions fly off the handle very often, more so if things aren't going her way or how she planned for them to go - this could be something as simple as me making the wrong thing for tea.

She struggles to focus on tasks - gets bored very quickly and often seems disinterested

When having a row (from anyone) she doesn't seem at all bothered and just stares straight through people

She becomes extremely attached to certain friends and obsesses over songs and films

When it comes to me, it's so difficult because when she is in a bad mood she will say/do anything to hurt me. She's even hit me to the point I have cried (in frustration) and she laughed and said that's what I deserve

She throws things, slams doors and will intentionally argue the opposite of anything I say.

Her energy levels are another thing... she goes to school all day, dances 6 days a week and still has a ridiculous amount of energy. She won't go to sleep unless I force her to bed.

School is great! Except recently she has fallen behind a lot with maths (below average) whereas her reading is above average

It's so difficult because the school just aren't seeing the child that I am 😭😭

Easier to not pick it up at primary as they move about a lot in class and lesson sessions are short. My DD never sat still & chatted a lot when shouldn't. Lost focus as soon as a big bored etc