Stopping rehearsing before I speak

[ofwarren]

Unmasking is a long process for those of us diagnosed as adults. I don't mask at home but still do on and off when I'm out, and especially to my children's teachers and to medical professionals.

One thing I had noticed is that I still, even at home, rehearse what I'm going to say before I say it. I read on Instagram that this is actually a form of masking so I've tried to stop doing it....

Well, it sound like I have a possible speech impediment. I get stuck on certain words, I pause and struggle to say them. I sound all over the place if I don't rehearse. I get the words wrong, miss them out or cannot think of the word altogether.

Has anyone heard of this before? I wonder if it will just improve with practice?

I've never been able to argue with anyone because I cannot think of the words in time so I'm thinking it's possibly a cognitive issue rather than physical like apraxia.

Just been researching it, I think it's what is known as 'cluttering'. I've always done it to some degree but rehearsing my speech lessens it.
I also get mixed up with he and she at times. My kids laugh at me (I a friendly way) when I get muddled up.

I was diagnosed autistic very young
i script a LOT to communicate with people and recently found out another term called echolalia which has always frustrated me but I cannot help myself repeating things
I get really stressed about phone conversations so will rehearse what I am going to say
sometimes I really struggle with some people, with friends I am usually ok cos they know and they easy to talk to
If I am really struggling I will use sign (sign supported English) whilst talking to help me communicate and also carry cards with me just in case
people have no idea how stressful our lives are!

maybe it is an adaption to your disability rather than a masking thing. as in it is a positive you can keep rather than a negative thing you need to ditch. only you know that but it is ok to reahearse if that is helpful.

Yeah possibly. I've just been so exhausted recently and I'm trying to see if dropping some of the masks will help. Only time will tell I think. At the minute this seems more stressful!

This is true, people really don't realise!
My own husband occasionally complains that I look angry when I say something and I just said to him, "imagine how hard it is to not only have to concentrate on your words, but also concentrate on what position your eyes and mouth are in too". It's too much for me, I just can't do both for very long at all.

I clutter as well (is that the correct way to phrase it?), not with everybody though and I can’t predict it. I think it happens with people who don’t “get” me and possibly I’m picking up on those micro signals and my brain gets overloaded processing that, and trying to compensate, and think, and talk. It’s really, really humiliating when it happens. And even worse if I panic and get struck dumb too.

I totally relate. The worst time was when I was at university as an adult student before the pandemic. The lecturer asked me to read the passage on the sheet we had and I didn't expect it. I literally couldn't read a word. I was just making weird noises. It was almost like my mouth stopped working properly.

I just wanted to update where I'm up to with this.
I've carried on unmasking by not rehearsing and the vast majority of the stammer has gone. I still 'clutter' and often can't think of the words I need but I'm feeling a lot more comfortable with this, especially at home.
I haven't tried it out much in the real world, apart from shops but I know that script inside out.

A woman I know gave me a lift today as she saw me walking and the mask went on immediately, without me even thinking about it.

I'm glad to be able to drop another layer of masking though. It feels more authentic.

@ofwarren thats really great. I genuinely admire your courage in this. I’m only at the point of becoming aware of some of my masking and clinging on tight.

@ofwarren May I ask, when you say “the mask went on straight away” how might we know the difference? What would be obvious to an onlooker. I ask because I can’t think how to separate the real me from the other me.

I think you’re brave. Good for you!

I just know because I force my face to react in an acceptable way, when really my natural expression is quite flat. I also have scripts in my head for situations like at a till or speaking to the Dr reception so I use them instead of talking off the cuff so to speak.
I can mask really well. I concentrate on my body language, smile appropriately and try to give appropriate eye contact. It makes me so tired though. When I have to do it for a long time, everything seems to go too bright and I can't see the face of the person I'm dealing with.

Some days I literally cannot mask though. Rather than putting myself in those situations, I would avoid them altogether on those days.

Thank you. That makes sense. So exhausting.