The stress of impending appointments and other adhd adventures in time.

[Trivester]

Since figuring out I have adhd, I’ve been becoming more aware of what’s specifically causing me anxiety

Time is really stressful. If I make an appointment I’m fully capable, even likely to double or triple book myself. Obviously I can record appointments in a diary, and set reminders (if I remember) but then I might be chatting with a school mum and arrange a play date or offer to drive my dad somewhere he wants to go - my brain just doesn’t hold time commitments in working memory.

And just because I replied to the text reminder yesterday is no guarantee I’ll remember to turn up at an appointment today.

I have a really important commitment this week, that I cannot forget (and something that no normal person could possibly forget) and it’s stressing me out because while I’m unlikely to forget it, my brain is helpfully entertaining me with catastrophic what-if scenarios.

And it’s making me aware that I expend a lot of energy on this!

Are there any good resources on time perception in adhd that anyone could recommend? Is this something anyone else identifies with?

I have no idea about resources, but I absolutely identify with everything you've said. So I hope not feeling so alone will at least be of some use to you!

I use Alexa and Google calendar to remind me about everything but the real gamechanger was having a cheap weekly planner whiteboard but actually splitting it horizontally to make it a 2 week planner.

Idk why but it's so visual which really helps me 'see' time better. Ditto those monthly calendars where you can see a whole month in cubes.

“Seeing time” makes a lot of sense. But I also go through occasional phases where I stop looking at my diary/calendar/phone app/sticky notes, so even that isn’t foolproof.

Yeah I have to rotate strategies too Trivester. Eg I need to update my 2 week calendar but this week has been fairly flexible. Next two weeks I have enough to do that I'll be motivated to use it 🤞

I use google calendar pretty religiously, it works for me because it syncs between my computer and phone and I'm always on one or the other D: I put the widget on my home screen too.

I then colour code things. I have a separate recurring calendar for my daily routine which helps me schedule and I use google maps or the bus website to estimate travel time and add that in too. Red is used for incredibly important tasks. If I do look and realise I missed a task and it's movable, I move it to the next available day. I also have a separate calemdar for my things and one that is shared with DH.

I kind of had to get into a mindset of "I need to do this or I'll probably forget" I think it started when I had an irregular schedule at work.

I do forget to use it - usually at times when I've not much on - but I've found having a stable ground point/base/"starting point" helps as I can just get back on there. Something that affects a lot of people with ADHD is: When we find something not to work we get very upset and start looking at what caused the failure and how to mitigate it. We tend to overcatastrophise this and we want to create an entire, new, elaborate system that will somehow eliminate all failures. We might then stick with the new system for a short while because it's novel and after a while we forget about it and crash down into failure again, starting the cycle again of oh this system didn't work, I need a new system.

What helps is: Understanding that failure is a natural state and is OK and it doesn't mean the system is broken, we are broken, or anything is even wrong. It just happens sometimes. When you fail, find that nice easy starting point and get back into the race and keep going. You don't need to build an entirely new horse. You can get back on the same horse.

Basically, you are looking for a system which is foolproof but that doesn't exist. Look for a system that is easy instead so that when you inevitably realise that it's failed again, you can just restart it without a whole lot of stress and work.

This has been a lifechanging realisation for me because I'm no longer constantly ploughing energy into inventing entirely new systems for every little thing. I have a few systems which work really well, and that I often stop and start. It doesn't matter - my life is still so much smoother with me using them intermittently, than when I was not using them at all.

So if I was chatting with the school mum I would get my phone out right then and say ah yep - Tuesday is free/next week is pretty open/Thursday I have a doctor's appointment. Whatever makes sense. Same with texting dad.

I used to think people would think I was weird or anal for doing this but I just say apologetically "I'll forget if I don't put it in the calendar" and they laugh and say me too.

The more I use it the more I'm checking it too so it self perpetuates.