Adhd tax

[Trivester]

I splurged on a sweater in a moment of enthusiasm, that turned out not to fit and then carried it round in my handbag instead of taking it to the post office, until it was too late to return it.

That’s not even unusual.

My husband has ADHD and this kind of thing happens all the time. He forgot to do his tax return on time 3 years on the run.

I nearly cried for joy when dh told me to just give it all to his accountant the first year we were married.

Of course now I still have an annual mad scramble looking for receipts while dh stands at the door tapping his foot impatiently.

I am painfully aware at this point that I will never actually return anything. Especially not if it requires posting. I just won’t.

Nor will I remember to pick up packages if they take them to the depot.

Yeah, sounds familiar for autism as well. Possibly different reasons but...

Sorry meant that to sound sympathetic

Not dismissive.

But you know, communication disability

I've had a bedspread sitting in my hallway wrapped and ready to return for, erm, 20 months and counting.

Don’t worry @BlackeyedSusan your post was fine.
@notyourmam you’ve reminded of a few more things I’ve ignored forgotten that are stuffed in the back of the hall closet.

I've never returned anything. I don't feel so bad about it since diagnosis though!

I do this all the time BUT I see it as an ADHD perk too. Sometimes I find a bag of clothes I intended to return but forgot. I throw them into a wardrobe and forget about them. Then a year later I find them and quite often love them! So it's like getting new clothes with no expense or effort. Sometimes I think I know future me's clothing tastes better than present me's 😂

I am generally pretty good at returning things. Mainly because I really need the money back because I'm a massive impulse spender and often can't really even afford what I'm buying. I've just had a £300 dress delivered and am really hoping it doesn't fit or I don't like it so I can send it back. 🫤

I read something recently about how the impulse spending is an ADHD thing too 😆I am Iearning a lot.

I do have a tactic to counter this - avoid shops as much as possible, buy stuff online, but always put things in the online basket and then leave it for two days. Chances are either I'll (a) forget about it or (b) if by some miracle I remember, I'll wonder why the heck I would even want Top Gun style overalls/a pram for my dog/a halo light etc.

And never subscribe to Amazon Prime or anything offering next-day delivery ...

@hoorayandupsherises

This usually doesn't work for me I'm afraid. Shopping is one of my hyper focuses. I usually don't forget about a piece of clothing / shoes I like and obsess over it until I get it. The dress went in the sale so I've put it on Klarna and split it over 3 payments so it doesn't seem like such a splurge. That money really should be going towards my adhd assessment in a couple months and my medication

I'm also continuing to watch the sales to see if it's marked down further. If it is I'll buy it again at the cheaper price and return the more expensive one if time allows

@adhdforme I haven't completely solved the problem, but can usually still pay the bills, which is a nice change ...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that the dress is hideous when it comes ;)

I've tried it on. I love it. I am now on a mission to find the perfect pair of shoes to go with it 😬🤦‍♀️

Needing the money back never seems to be motivation enough for me.

What I really struggle with is the ‘why didn’t you return it?’ question. Beyond ‘because ADHD’ I just don’t know. I just can’t return it.

In exactly the same way that I cannot remember to stop unnecessary recurring payments. And I cannot submit expenses claims. I just can’t do it. Even not having enough money doesn’t seem to sort me out.

My inability to return things or do things like pay bills on time isn't to do with memory like most of you are mentioning - it's that impossible to overcome inertia where the act of beginning feels overwhelming to the point of paralysis.

One of the reasons I dismissed the idea I had ADHD for a long time is that I generally have no memory issues, and thought that was a necessary part of it. I also though that inertia - that overwhelm, that inability to get moving - was a sign I was deep down very depressed, even when I wasn't. I had no idea it was a component of ADHD/autism.

Though it was worth mentioning in case there are any lurkers looking to understand themselves better!

@notyourmam thats so well put. My memory has become so poor with peri menopause that it’s defining my whole experience, but you’re absolutely right about the inertia paralysis. I’ve struggled with that my whole life.

God yes the inertia is so difficult to describe and hormones make mine so much worse. My postnatal hormones and now perimenopausal hormones are a disaster. I'm lying in a chair... not wanting to be lying in a chair... but not quite sure how to stand up.

One good tip I read was when you can do nothing else wiggle a finger. Just one finger. It almost sends a reminder to your brain that it is in charge of your body and it can make your body do other things like stand up. Once you're on your feet everything gets easier.

@SquirrelSoShiny nice tip, I'll try it out!