I've had the same problem all my life, I'm just not liked by people

[autumnlover60]

I don't understand why. I'm not saying I'm this perfect person, but I'm friendly, kind and take an interest in others. It's almost like people can sense that I'm different. A lot of the time when i start speaking people look at me like I have 2 heads. Its incredibly lonely and isolating. I hear all the time about how "Your vibe attracts your tribe ", but I have never found this to be true. I've always been a target for bullies and abusive people

So sorry lovely. It is really hard isn't it?

@BlackeyedSusan it sure is. I usually just get on with things but for some reason I have kinda been ruminating today

Yeah, it really gets to you sometimes.

Sorry to hear today has been tough.

I can relate. I feel as though I've been treated as weird all my life, and friendships have been a struggle. It does hurt.

A lot of ND people (including myself) have the same problem I’m afraid. What’s worse is that I see some truly horrible people bullying others and doing nasty things, but they still have friends and are liked and accepted. So my autism is obviously more unacceptable than pure nastiness is. I find that very sad.

OP there was a thread about this recently. I don't know if it would help you to look. I think the overwhelming feeling among us NDMNers on that thread was "yep I feel the total same".

I once spoke to a child psychiatrist who said, "I don't know why we put children through barrages of tests for asd because all you need to do is to go into a playground and the children will have identified them and shunned them". Which made me cry not only for my own childhood, but also for my child who is ND.

I am really sorry you are feeling so alone, but do reach out. This sub group is so lovely and supportive. I know its not the same as in person, but in the interim I've found it a really great source of support.

We are going through this again now with my middle child. Went through it with my eldest and before that, me. We are all autistic.
We stand out like a sore thumb to NT people. They don't know why we seem different but they definitely pick up on it and then don't want to be our friends.
Scientists have studied it.

I find this too;as the OP said I'm always perfectly polite and look completely like everyone else, yet I always instinctively know that people dislike me and don't choose to talk to me as they would to other people treating me as if I'm a lesser human being.
I've come to accept it more, but it still hurts.

Can definitely relate to this. I've even had death threats from people I've never met before. I'd just be walking along minding my own business, then next thing I know I'm getting abuse shouted at me for no reason at all..

Yes was thinking this today. There are so many people littered through my life who think I'm weird and dislike me. It's horrible. I often wish I could start again, knowing I'm autistic from the start. As it is I feel I'm 50 and my chance at life was wasted.

Thanks everyone for your support, it's tough that this is something so many others experience aswell. I have met people and communities that claim to be inclusive but the opposite is true

Yes, people didn't like me being quiet and reflective in my pre-diagnosis days, that was a fault. Too sensitive, too quiet, too snobby, resting bitch face - all regularly used against me. All regularly contributing to me being a target in school and workplaces, and the overarching theme being "it must be me that's wrong" but not knowing why. And the constant feelings of having brought all of my unfair treatment on myself, reinforced even by those who claimed to care for and love me.

Now that I have my ADHD and autism formally diagnosed and am reaching levels of self-acceptance I never thought I'd see, that's a problem too. I supposedly want special treatment. I'm being difficult (in pushing for my rightful reasonable adjustments). My communication styles are still problematic. I'm still expected to mask and be someone else. I'm still being given the message that me = flawed and wrong, only now I'm not accepting that from anyone.

Hell truly is other (NT) people.

One of the things I hoped to help myself with when I got a formal diagnosis was deciding that "they" NT's, that they had the problems, not me. They are relentlessly unaccepting of differences, variations or displays of anything other than a standard (boring) personality.

People just don't like me, makes the school playground crap beyond hard to deal with. For short periods it's ok, then it all goes south, had somebody I felt I was ok with just start this avoidance this week, and not to get started on the actual bullying behaviours. NT's really are easily upset by differences and they take it out on those they decide don't fit.

You are sadly not alone with this feeling and experience. I don't have any advice, other than attempting to cultivate the mindset of how they are closed minded and wrong, and not worth your time or friendship. I'm working on that, still hurts.

I thought my own (late) diagnosis would help me navigate being (necessarily) part of the NT world. Yes and no. I’m still expected to fit and conform, to mask and mould myself into “acceptable”. Sadly, often by those closest to me.

This ND Mumsnetters forum is the closest I’ve ever felt to “normal” despite being good at my job, having two marriages, kids, long though few, friendships.

Thank you.

That must be really hard. I'm fortunate that I'm not expected to mask with family.
I'm glad you are finding the board helpful

I feel the same and it really hurts. I’ve no advice but I wanted to offer you some solidarity and some 💐

I think this MN board is a really good space for me because it makes me feel less alone.

How can we all be so alone, when there are so very many of “us” about?! I don’t know a living soul like me!

We should arrange a ND mumsnetters meet up!
.....on second thoughts, that sounds absolutely terrifying and I'd probably drop out 🤣

Seriously though, most areas have a local NAS group for adults. You can check on their website.
A few groups on Facebook too for autistic women and they often add each other as friends.

We should arrange a ND mumsnetters meet up!
.....on second thoughts, that sounds absolutely terrifying and I'd probably drop out

@ofwarren Can you imagine it 😱😱😱 The turmoil beforehand, the anxiety building up to the event and then crash - can't go due to meltdown 😂

I don’t know a living soul like me!

@AllJustATrialOfErrors You 'know' us on this board 🤗 That's a good starting point. Stick around and you might feel you want to make friends with others. I am aware that lots of people make 'proper' friends via MN.

@autumnlover60 and all other members who have posted. I can relate to all of the posts. I am not easily likeable, I'm told, and have been a target for bullies and abusers. I'd guess that they've all been NT too, game-players, manipulators, liars, bullies. I spent decades feeling frazzled, constantly questioning why I don't fit in. When I got my diagnosis I began to examine my flawed thought processes and feel better for doing that.

@Clarice99

I’m pulling up a chair and sticking the kettle on! ☕️

We should arrange a ND mumsnetters meet up!
.....on second thoughts, that sounds absolutely terrifying and I'd probably drop out 🤣

Haha, same here 😄

Bemusingly, a (large) FB group I belong to for people with social anxiety is trying to organise some sort of mass meet-up and people are actually opting in! 🤔I mean, it's a nice idea and I hope they enjoy themselves, but personally as someone with social anxiety meeting a big group of strangers all at once is about the scariest thing ever!

I have to say, I’d love to know some people like me.