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Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

When their overwhelm/meltdown triggers yours

3 replies

WithFlamingLocksOfAuburnHair · 30/06/2022 10:16

Looking for advice please. Please be kind, I always try to face up to any issues and take steps to fix them. Son 11 recently diagnosed DCD and ADHD but have been in and out of assessments and various support since he was 4. Gifted so probably was able to mask the gap to peers until recently. Sensory issues also but not ASD. I am not diagnosed but learning about ADHD, how adult women describe ADD is very similar to how my brain works. Anyway, 99% of the time I can remain calm and help him co-regulate. But on a morning like today, when I didn't sleep well, when he was highly dysregulated, when his sister needed help too I got overwhelmed myself and had my own meltdown (impatient, shouty and walking away when he needed me). I feel terrible after and always apologise and explain what was going on in my brain. But how can I help him learn to regulate and that shouting etc is not the answer when I'm not always able to do so myself? I can always spot the triggers after the fact but not always able to before hand, especially if I'm tired.

OP posts:
Trivester · 01/07/2022 13:26

Me too. It’s hard isn’t it, and you get the double whammy of guilt with it.

I was just listening to this podcast from ADDitude where Brendan Mahan was describing how to communicate your stress levels to your dc. He clarifies it on the Q&A too. I’m working on that right now.

I think talking about these things is good for kids so it’s great you’re open about it.

Trivester · 01/07/2022 13:28

The podcast was aimed at dads but I found the part on working on your own emotional regulation and communication helpful

WithFlamingLocksOfAuburnHair · 01/07/2022 14:44

Thank you @Trivester , I'll listen to that.

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