Pattern with making plans

[Flowerymess]

I find initiating social stuff absolutely gruelling. Especially in my stage of life where I'm not seeing friends that regularly or have an established group. I have to gear myself up to making plans with friends.

And then once I've prepared myself for it I think well I might aswell make the most of this feeling and make plans with all my friends. And then I have a busy few weeks and then I'm exhausted and need to recover. But then I risk slipping into not seeing people for too long and then it's harder to gear myself up again. And then because it's hard to gear my self up I have to make the most of it and message all my friends again and so the cycle continues.

To message my friends I have to push passed all these feelings of mine that tell me I'm being an inconvenience, they don't really want to see me, they are only saying yes out if pitty. It's so burdensome for me to feel those feelings it's exhausting. I'm on edge until they reply.

I also notice it just seems to be me that makes the plans. But I do genuinely think my friends value me. I also think I have more time on my hands since I don't spend any time with extended family.

Anyone else have this pattern? Do you work with it? Or try to manage it differently?

What's your neurotype? I'm autistic and actually have no friends at the moment.

When I did have some friends I did similar to you. When I was feeling 'okay' I would book friend things in but when the days came I'd either not want to go or I would be absolutely shattered for days afterwards.

I realised that I didn't really enjoy these encounters either so there was no point in doing them. Far too much stress for little reward.

I'm much happier now.

I'm dyslexic and suspect autistic but no diagnosis yet.

Are you fulfilled though? (I don't mean to doubt you I'm just trying to understand how it would be without any friends)

I'm glad you are much happier now.

What do you do when you go through something difficult?

Very fulfilled yes. There is nothing I would gain from having a circle of friends. The thought of people texting me or god forbid, ringing me any more makes me shudder.
I'd have to mask through the whole day I saw them too, and do things I really don't want to do. It's not for me. I've been like this for over 10 years now.

I do KNOW people. Acquaintances from activities that I do. I speak to them while I'm there and say hello if I see them around but there is no pressure and no arranging of other activities outside of the ones I know them from.

If I'm going through something difficult I would talk to my husband, my grown up son or my mum. Or mumsnet

Out of curiousity do you mask infront of your son and husband?

I don't connect with my husband (our days are numbered) and my mum lives abroad.

No, I don't mask at all at home
@Flowerymess

When you become aware of masking, you might also notice that it happens more with some people than others.

I don’t know when I’m doing it - but afterwards I feel buzzy and then exhausted, and I have a sort of hangover for a while where bits of conversation float back.

I’ve started to avoid these encounters as much as possible. But obviously it’s easier to be a bit ruthless with this having a dh and dc, and family to talk to.

Exactly this.
I probably wouldn't have dropped everyone if I didn't have immediate and extended family to talk to.