Why are NT kids treated so unkindly?

[Trivester]

I see this constantly on MN and I’ve experienced it in rl too. If a distressed child is perceived to be NT, the respond is generally that they should buck up or need firm discipline.

On MN the phrase is “assuming no SN”, as if any child ever has been investigated thoroughly by a psychologist and pronounced NT.

I’ve encountered it in school too. Ds was crying in class (needs to be less sensitive), felt he was being bullied because kids were jostling him in the corridor (needs to toughen up before secondary), struggled to concentrate through the noise in class (classrooms are noisy), etc. But once I was able to say the magic word “autism” all of these problems were suddenly valid and real.

There probably not great examples - there are lots more but they’re not coming to mind right now, but I don’t understand why there couldn’t have been some adjustments made for him as a supposedly NT child. But the attitude was always that he had to do better. He had been flagged for anxiety and was receiving psych support in school at this point so it wasn’t just me being that parent

In hospital settings, the word “autism” is magical too. Instead of scrawling “anxious mum” on the notes, they send him for the X-ray I ask for, back off and give me space to calm him.

I’m involved with my elderly relative’s medical care now, and I’ve started throwing the phrase “possibly undiagnosed autism” around to similar effect. I’m sure he is on the spectrum and I’m not just taking advantage.

But what strikes me is the general unkindness towards anyone a little bit different, when they don’t have a “label” (and I know that the accommodation and acceptance towards diagnosed NTs is a new and fragile thing). Like why would you not start from wondering why someone is distressed, why this small thing matters so much to them? Why does everyone have to be smacked back in their box?

I think people can be awful to just all types tbh, diagnosed or not (my cup is not half empty but smashed on the floor 😂)

In medical setting I've found autism has sometimes upped the shittyness at times not helped me and it has led to me being dismissed as just autistic/anxious when I've actually had a real serious problem.
There's plenty of posts about how nd people basically need to buck their ideas up too.

I think its a mixed bag and humans can be absolutely terrible to each others mental health regardless really.

So that's a happy post from me 😂

I've found autism has sometimes upped the shittyness at times

yes, this is absolutely the case too. Calling it a magical word was definitely over egging the pudding

i feel this. my DD has complex mental health issues that we are still trying to get to the bottom of. one of the mums at her primary was always gossiping about her 'behaviour issues' (this isn't me being paranoid, several people told me - also her DD told my DD that "my mum's making a list of all the things you do wrong and she likes to talk about you at dinner", fun times). there's another very strange and basically bullying thing this grown woman did to DD which is too outing to share. anyway the other day she posted one of those clickbaity cut-and-paste things about autism on fb that was all about an autistic kid who had no friends and saying that kids should be brave enough to see beyond the label then "i bet none of my friends will repost this, prove me wrong" on the end etc etc. i felt absolutely livid - what, so if my DD had an autism label she'd be worthy of your care and compassion, but as she doesn't have that word attached you can bully her and encourage your daughters to?! i was very very close to making a sarcastic remark but managed to restrain myself....

Dunno. It does sometimes strike me that a lot of the autism/adhd parenting advice is just general good parenting advice, whereas if your kid's NT it's all time outs and sticker reward charts and 'character building'.

@SusiePevensie I agree completely. I think I’m a much better parent to my dd because of what I’ve learned from parenting my autistic ds.

@Seasidetrains ypur poor dd. That woman sounds shocking.