Spiralling

[Dobbysgotthesocks]

Looking for a handhold from people who understand.

I'm on waiting list for ASD and adhd referrals. But I'm as sure as I can be that I have both. I'm self employed because I don't cope well in employment. I'm unwell with endometrial cancer and endometriosis.
Last week was a touch week. I'm a carer and nothing I did was good enough for clients. All wanted much more than I was able to give. Both physically and mentally.
My final client of the night really snapped at me for not having time during the week to wash her hair. She was really mean. After my week of being treated like a verbal punchbag I reacted badly. I admit.
Today she has sacked me with and refused to pay my notice period.

I'm already being evicted from my home - due to price increases. I'm already struggling to keep a roof over my head and food on the table and now I've lost another £100 a week.

I can't just go get a job because I don't function in employment. I've never lasted more than a year.
I need my schedule to work for me not for others.
I can't stop crying.
I just don't seem to be able to function well in society. All I want is to find somewhere quiet with nobody else and live in solitude.

Oh bless, that’s hard, you have so much going on.

care work is extraordinarily hard and you sound in need of a lot of caring yourself just now.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time.

It sounds as though you need to concentrate on looking after yourself. Cancer, endometriosis, suspected autism and ADHD, eviction AND being on the receiving end of nastiness - it's little wonder you snapped.

Do you have any 'real life' support?

Some but not much. I don't really have many friends more acquaintances who I like. I've never been good at making friends.

Have you tried apologising? And it’s ok too if you don’t feel you can. Sometimes when the emotions have died down, these things aren’t as big as they felt in the moment.

I was told to go away and never come back. So going back to apologise isn't really an option.

And whilst I didn't react as well as I could have. I wasn't rude or nasty. Everything I said was factually correct and still applies and I stand by it.
The client was angry because I wasn't able to do a specific task for her this week. An additional task which created extra work for me and was time I wasn't paid for. I had already agreed extras with other clients and had other commitments including medical appointments for myself. I have never not been able to do it before so had inadvertently created an expectation that I would always be able to do it when she wanted.
When I wasn't she expressed her disappointment in a really aggressive manner which shocked me.