Combating the autism anxious whirl

[Rreaq]

How do you cope with the stress of unknown people/ situations? What are you techniques for putting the autism driven anxiety mixture out of your head for a little bit?

I've always been bad but I feel the pandemic made it worse. I only talk to neighbour and dh in person really, so the unknowness of what to say or do when I come across strangers or situations I haven't been able to plan out and google what happens always sends me into a panic.

I have my car theory test tomorrow (yes I commit the mumsnet sin of being an adult who doesn't drive!)
I'm confident I can pass the test based on all the app tests I've been doing.
But I feel ill with stress and have had several meltdowns over past couple of days of the stress of what do i say to the person, will I have to buzz the door etc what will I say when I do. What if the person tries to chat with me in waiting room, do they even have a waiting room or will I just go straight in, all these little unknown things are panicking me
My sleep schedule is so messed up, I slept basically all day today and just woke up because of the stress of it so I'm worried about being tired for it and I can't use public toilets and it's a long drive (dh driving obviously!) and then the test and a long way back, so maybe I shouldn't drink tomorrow.
I'm so sick with worry about just every unknown part of it, I appreciate its stupid, but what are fellow nd peoples strategies when they're in this dark pit of worry?

It makes me want to cancel it and forget about it but I live in the countryside and I'd like the independence to eventually drive to places I can't bike to and be able to carry my camera stuff as I like photography. But cancelling it would relieve all of this stress but because its tomorrow I wouldn't get my money back 😬

I've rambled a lot, sorry!

Hi.

I’m sorry you are in such a stressful place.

Would it be helpful for you to come up with a strategy for different scenarios, eg if they have a buzzer I will press it and say Hello, I have a driving test appointment but if they don’t have a buzzer I will go to the reception desk and give them my name (hi, I’m Mrs X, here for my test).

I apologise if I’m giving ideas that are too obvious for you but this is how I try to help DS cope (he is an adult). He will say to me “but what if xyz happens?” and between us we come up with suggestions of how he will handle it. Sometimes he will write his plans down, not necessarily to take the notes with him but so that he can look at them and straighten his thoughts out when his anxiety is spiralling. He needs to have a plan in his head for how to handle the various options that might arise. Similar to what you say, the unknown is the worst part for him.

Don’t worry too much about what you will say if anyone tries to chat, they will anticipate that test candidates are going to be nervous anyway so you can get away with smiles, nods, nervous laughs, etc.

Re the public toilets thing, could you take a bucket in the back of your car that you could use in a secluded place if necessary? Or a shewee type thing (I think they sell in places like Millets and outdoorsy shops). You might not need to use it but could feel less panicky knowing that it’s there and you have a plan. We always have one in the glove box and I always feel better knowing there is an option.

Good luck with your test!

Sorry, I managed to miss that it is the theory test that you are doing.

DS had to report to a reception desk and was sent to sit in a little waiting area (and none of the other people there spoke to him while waiting) then he was taken to put his phone etc in a little locker. Then he went through to another room and was seated at a computer to do the test.

It was a well run office type place and quite a calm environment once he was in there.

Like you, he had practised with the apps and said the test was very similar and he felt it was very logical/common sense.

I hope it goes well for you.

breathe, slowly in and out to the count of four.

look up some ot exercises for calming. (stress ball in pocket, or crunching toes up in shoes and releasing were both recommended for me to do discreetly)

you need to drink. otherwise you will not be able to think properly.

I can recommend that a kids pottette plus can hold up to 11 stones of weight. blanket or coat over your knees. or crouch down in back seat with h as look out. (get some of those kids sunshades from boots.

Thank you both, I feel a lot calmer after a nap and the advice you have given.
I'm still not sure if I'm going to do it, I'm tempted to cancel and get a one closer to me (I'm in Highlands so huge backlog as my local one is only one day every two weeks) even though it will be months away, as that would help some of the anxiety, as the one today is 4 hour round trip to Inverness. Its not until 8pm tonight, so still some time to ponder/stress over it and decide.

@Rreaq best of luck with whatever you decide to do 💐

hope you test went ok Op and you feeling bit better

Not sure if this will help anyone in the future but I am in my late 30s and STILL use social stories like I had when I was young. It is reassuring I even have them for work as well (I have them on cards or in a temporary situation just printed on a bit of paper)
it means i can have all the visuals I need to help me as well
hope this helps someone or something to consider for the future

On my way now, as its at 8pm not feeling it tbh, but going to try and h said we could turn around whenever and go home, even at the door of test centre.

Thanks for all the advice :)

Congrats well done you!! 👏👏👏

Brava!

Double congratulations for both passing and overcoming the hurdles to get there 👏👏

Fantastic news @Rreaq

well done you. that's amazing.

Thank you all, feels lovely to have a win for once!
Now to focus on the practical (and get it booked, none available at the moment!) dh is teaching me, which has been interesting 😂