Everyone else from school is so successful and I'm still a loser

[OneFrenchEgg]

Name changed (trialling new name).
I've just scrolled LinkedIn and a friend from school has become so successful in their field. We are all late 40s so I guess the pinnacle of any career.
All my group are leads, management, partners, even those that weren't particularly successful at exams are now flying high.
I've just never lived up to my early promise - I was clever, good at writing (won a few national competitions), got a degree, professional qualifications, more qualifications but my inability to socialise and make work friends and manage people - I've just stayed still. I was looking at a new job and I can only apply for £18k roles. I've worked all my life.
No one comments on my LinkedIn, no one comments on my Insta - my kid told me the other day he was sad for me that I posted stuff and no one commented. I have no work friendships from the several work placements I've had. What a waste it's been to be alive.

You daft numpty. Your worth does not lie in how much money you earn or your career. You are valuable because of who you are.

It is very easy to forget that and see that so and so is doing... But that's not where your value lies.

Maybe if I had other worth? But I've failed in getting off the ground and connecting with people to build a career, which I always wanted to do. I can't believe that in over 30 years I've stood still.

You have hardly stood still - you have a son. What do you like to do? Hobbies and interests? Careers are not for everyone, it's a slog to get to the top and you often have to sacrifice a lot to get there. 18k jobs will come with other perks, not financially but flexibility, less stress, being able to leave work at work and not bring it home etc. attending school events.

Comparison is absolutely the thief of joy. We only post what we want others to know on social media - it's all fake.

I have a friend from work. Nice guy, nothing against him but my god he makes out he's better than he is. Drives a BMW, fancy house, fancy wedding etc. happy to tell everyone his previous experiences and what he's doing.

We previously worked together in another company and we know a lot of the same people, so I know how much he is bullshitting about previous experiences. I know he's in debt, and I know his personal life is not as rosy as he makes out. Don't believe social media.

I feel the same. Failure to launch after graduating in the 90s. Dead end jobs, call centre, frequently being fired for being useless. Was a temp for years as it's easy to explain not being able to hold a job down.
Undiagnosed ADHD here. GP told me I'd be investigated by social services if I got a diagnosis so I'm unable to get medication which would really help my inattentiveness - a private diagnosis can only prescribe with the knowledge of NHS GP.
I feel defeated and that I've lost any chance of a career whilst all my friends have been able to work and achieve in their chosen careers.

Thanks puddleduck i think LinkedIn is different, just careers etc. but I understand your point about people being careful what they share.

GP told me I'd be investigated by social services if I got a diagnosis so I'm unable to get medication

Bloody hell.

This is absolutely untrue. I was diagnosed with adhd at 9 weeks pregnant and I've never ever had social services involved. The hospital and the hv were all aware that I am neurodiverse and never suggested extra checks or anything. I had the same visits as everyone else. As long as your children are well taken care of then there is no reason to involve social services.

LinkedIn is social media, just the same as all the others.

I think you are blaming yourself because of your inability to socialise and make friends.

One if my relatives is very similar - he doesn't make friends, he rarely socialisés, but he works for an extremely prestigious company and earns a stupendous amount of money.

The important thing is, to be happy with your own life and stop comparing yourself with others. You have no idea what their real lives are lik, behind the social media hype.

Linked in will still elaborate.

For example, what sounds more important.

Domestic cleaner: I assist a number of customers with their domestic cleaning including dusting, toilet cleaning and hovering.

Or...

hygiene Technician. I run a successful business with clients from all backgrounds in their domestic dwelling. Using the latest cleaning products I make sure I hygienically clean to the best standards using the latest technology. I turn over a profit of xxx and employ over 20 staff members.

But anyway my point was mainly to say there is a lot more to life than a career. However if that is what you want there is no reason you couldn't still have that and start today. I was a mature student because I didn't have the capacity for that type of learning in my 20's. Is there anything in particular you fancy going into?

Thanks I know you are trying to be helpful but I've posted here because it's the ND bit not the lack of wanting but that's held me back. I've got lots of qualifications over the years, just never managed the social side of work which you need to be promoted and do a good job.

Don't compare yourself to other people, we're all good at different things.

For example, my NT mother prioritised her career, never bloody stopped going on about it, but she was a terrible mother and I don't much like her. I would count that as a pretty big life failure. I don't think she beats herself up about it. If your son is concerned for your happiness, I'll bet you've been a much better parent than my mother.

Also remember that the kind of people on LinkedIn spend an awful lot of time and energy on what other people think of them and boasting so other people know how superficially successful they are. They are likely very insecure , jealous and anxious. Don't involve yourself in it, it's no way to be.

Focus on your strengths.

I'm ND (hence being on this board) so I do get that part and I wasn't trying to suggest your struggles are irrelevant or minimise them.

I too have struggled with aspects of my career and always feeling left behind. However once I finally asked for adjustments (a screen reader WHAT!!!!! BEST THING EVER!) I honestly thrived. I do think the trick is with ND is to find a career you are passionate about which can be tough when also finding a supportive workplace.

I am honestly trying to help with my comments and not minimise anyones experience as I know we all are so different with different struggles.

I think LinkedIn is just one example. I left school and have stayed loosely in contact with people or know of them through others and I'm the only one I'm aware of who is still entry level.
I wanted a career, it's not like I didn't and am now thinking I want what they have out the blue. It's just making me very aware of my failing to succeed.

Reading with interest @OneFrenchEgg . I'm awaiting my autism assessment. I understand the experience of being a student with a lot of promise, but failure to launch. It's painful. I'm early 40s now, and I've always wanted to study again and re-train to have a profession. I was actually very employable in my 20s and 30s, because of my hyper focus and strong masking. Employers always wanted to keep me and make new roles for me, but I never felt things fitted, and something would always go wrong relationally with the job - usually a change of boss, which always led to some catastrophic misunderstanding of some kind - and I'd run away, frightened and hurt, and would slowly make my way to another job. But I realise in hindsight that as my self confidence was taking more knocks, I would look for a "safer" job each time, ie less money, less responsibility, less that I thought could go wrong. Nowadays I've slipped into the role of full time parent to my two autistic children. It's true they need a lot of support at home, and a lot of advocacy with school etc. But it's also the case that I feel exhausted beyond description from my years of trying so hard to be someone else, and I don't honestly know who I am and what I can safely take on, without the mental health wheels coming off. I am hoping that having an assessment and possibly a diagnosis will help me accept my true profile, and build slowly back up from there towards finding a job that actually fits me.

@RaisingAgent that really resonates. I've been trying to fit in and 'fake it til you make it' all the time.
Maybe having a diagnosis will help you understand it? For me it's been a bit sad so late in the day and I find it hard that now there's more understanding and support but back in the 80s there just wasn't.