I really need some guidance.
My DH (together 13 years, married 9) is a recently diagnosed neurodiverse individual, asd and adhd.
We have two children, 3 and 7.
Both work full time.
In our lives he has had about 12 jobs, and either quit, been fired or made redundant. He doesn't do much around the house, the occasional job, and bedtimes. He can't make meals, do laundry, manage school admin, manage any personal admin, or money. I did it all as I had fantasies of being a stay at home mum in the early days of our lives )met at 18). But now I am a mum of two, I have learnt and grown and am doing it all by myself. He hasn't done any of that. He would still be the teen boy gaming and eating tinned soup and ravioli for every meal. However this isn't the biggest issue.
My main issue is behaviour.
I work with children with emotional issues, and do encounter the neurodiverse and I support them.
But, and this is a huge but, I am not coping with DH.
His temper is insane, his communication is nonexistent, he scares me a lot. He scares the children too.
I have a temper and I do shout, I have a pain condition and the pain plus temper makes me crabby, and he says this is the same as him yelling, but it isn't. My shouting doesn't make the children, or him shake and cry instantly. Whereas his does.
He can snap so quickly, and he grabs them and has left large handprints on them. And on me tbh.
I've told him this is abusive.
He says he can't be abusive as it is a symptom of his neurodiversity.
He says don't I work with children who lash out, and I advocate for them, so why can't I for him.
I'm at a loss. I want to remove him from my home to protect me and my babies. But I also don't want to 'exclude him' for behaviour he can't help.
He isn't seeking any help, and he won't look at any of the learning I've tried to send him or show him.