Keeping myself safe

[Mabelface]

I'm going through a lot of shit at work, discrimination and toxicity, plus a breach of my very personal data. I've a grievance being investigated, the 2nd in 6 months. I have asd and adhd.

I'm very unwell due to this, but can't afford time off. After a huge fight (and possibly the fact that they know they're in the shit), I'm now allowed to wfh like everyone else.

I've a week off this week thankfully. Intrusive thoughts are horrible, and despite what my brain says, I don't want to die! I've also pulled out my sideburns as I'm plucking so much.

I'm on 40mg citalopram, 40mg propananol 3 x a day and I've got 2mg diazepam 3 x a day for a few days. The latter completely wipes me out, so only using as and when.

I'm in touch with my gp, who is fantastic.

Energy levels are low, eating is very difficult as is self care. I'm being gentle with myself, putting no pressure on me and generally my arse is stuck to the sofa, with the cat on my lap.

Can anyone relate or offer any tips? I can't afford therapy, unfortunately.

You poor thing. Could you try to make some plans to find another job perhaps? I always used to feel more positive if I had an exit plan. Obviously you can't leave just yet if you have live grievances going on, but perhaps in the near future?

Can you distract yourself with movies or a series to binge watch? Make sure you have easy to prepare food in. Don't feel bad for picnicking in bed whilst watching something. I always feel safer in bed.

Thank you. My safe place is the sofa with a multitude of fluffy blankets! I am looking elsewhere and have a recruiter very interested in me, because I'm actually bloody good at what I do. I've just made some tomato soup, thank god for soup makers.

What I really need is copious amounts of junk food and a doob, but have neither.

Having someone just understand is lovely.

Try not to binge on crap...(says the person who ate too much chocolate today) try to buy easy to eat healthy (healthier) stuff. Try things like grapes, or apples if you like those. At least it balances out the crap. Try keeping some next to the sofa.
Perhaps the ready chopped stir fry or salad
Tinned curry with tinned carrots and peas and a sachet of microwave rice is one of our go tos for exhausted evenings depends what you like and can eat.

Cereal is pretty good as it has vitamins added.

Have you got something for your fingers to do to prevent the plucking...

Good luck.

I am struggling with anxiety at the moment, insight timer is a free app with free meditations on it. I have been doing some short ones to help me calm before sleep.

Gentle hugs 🤗

This sheet has helped me through many times, hope it might be able to help you as well.

As much as I'd love to, my brain will not let me meditate. I've done not too badly food wise for me today. A giant crumpet, home made tomato soup, a pastry thingy and beans, a small pack of spicy transformer snacks and 6 squares of Cadbury caramel. That's more than I've managed the last couple of days.

Payday is on the horizon so grapes will be on the shopping list.

Once the work shit is done, I'll start to heal. I may have to go to tribunal down the line, but I'll cross that bridge if and when I need to.

I've managed to avoid plucking my sideburns today, so that's a win.

We are such complex beings!

Being off work is making a huge difference. I'm only taking the diazepam an hour before bed now. The first day and night I slept so much and that has helped.

My cat was poorly too, and he's seen the vet and it's getting better so less anxious about him. He's my dude and is be lost without him.