Spiralling about work

[NDLawyer]

NC as I'm ashamed and don't want to be identified.

I am a lawyer in private practice. I really enjoy the intellectual challenge of my work, like working with clients (mostly!) and I have a lovely team.

The issue is my lack of productivity. I am easily overwhelmed at the best of times, find it hard to switch between tasks, get distracted and / or tired and need more breaks. This means that I am not recording enough chargeable hours, although my clients are happy and pay their bills (very important!).

My firm is having a big push on chargeable hours (called utilisation) and my boss is often asking me if I need more work. I don't turn down new work but do not actively seek it out as I feel I am barely keeping my head above water with my current workload.

I am not 'out' at work and still waiting to be assessed for ASD and ADHD.

One part of me feels like it is absolutely reasonable for my boss to complain about my lack of productivity as it means that I am not pulling my weight in the team. The other part of me is very upset that despite being a very good lawyer to my clients, I am getting it in the neck for not working hard enough.

Has anyone else got experience of being ND in an industry where your productivity is monitored so closely? I am worried about revealing how much I am struggling in case I am labelled as dead weight and managed out.

How long until your assessments?

I don't know - GP made the referral about 6 weeks ago. I do have private health insurance but struggling to find availability there as well! Need to try harder and see if I can get meds and / or coaching to help

The sooner the better for the assessment really then you'll have legal workplace protections.

You already have workplace protection. I recently read an employment tribunal claim that explained if a disability is classed as lifelong you are protected whilst waiting for an assessment if you disclose this to your workplace.

Are there any parts of your job that could be carried out by someone else, such as basic admin tasks? I have an assistant who helps to keep me organised and on top of admin. Would an assistants pay be less than the income you’d generate?

Thanks, this is interesting. It's not so much the admin (we do have admin support, although they are very busy!) as the need for extra breaks. This makes my days longer, I get less sleep and then can be up very early with DC - I am then exhausted before I even start my work day.

If I can disclose the fact that I am waiting to be assessed, and explain that things should get better with appropriate meds / support then this might be enough to take the pressure off.

You could also discuss things with The Law Society [email protected].

@NDLawyer you say that you've only been referred about 6 weeks ago. To put that in perspective, I was referred almost exactly 2 years ago and I'm STILL waiting to be seen on the NHS. I called a couple weeks ago to follow up and find out how much longer I could expect to be waiting. They told me I'd still be waiting a long time. And that they were only just starting to see people from Oct 2018!!!!

My private medical does not cover mental health issues and learning difficulties so I've had to make the decision to pay for an assessment privately. It's costing me nearly £800 + medication costs. And I booked the next available appointment which isn't until mid/late August. 🫤

I would recommend looking into a private assessment if you can.

Hi OP, I also used to be a lawyer in private practice and I couldn’t cope with it very well. On paper, I coped but my anxiety levels were through the roof. I worried about my future because I find networking very hard and I knew I wouldn’t be the type to be able to bring in lots of work for the firm. I left at 4 years PQE. I’m now a legal academic and it gives me more flexibility, which suits me and means I can focus on the academic side of law which was my interest in the first place. It also means that if I need to take a rest-day, I can, as long as I am not teaching. However, I do worry about research and being able to maintain a record of publications. I would like to move institutions but I’m so worried about having to prove myself and about being the new person so I’m staying where I am.
I also don’t have a formal diagnosis but I am pretty sure I am autistic (not sure about ADHD, although I often struggle a lot with concentration). I just wanted to let you know that you’re not the only one and I hope that you get your diagnosis soon.

Thanks @Alltheleavesaregreen1 - I think that a lot of ND lawyers leave private practice, either to in-house roles, PSL positions or something like your role where you can focus on the work without the pressure of worrying about financial performance.

There are not many in-house roles in my practice area, though irritatingly I turned down 2 separate in-house opportunities a few years ago partly because I felt guilty about letting down my boss!

That is probably true. The whole world of billing, clients, time recording etc is so exhausting if you’re ND. Looking back, I wonder how I did it. I hope you find another in-house opportunity. That stuff about turning it down because you didn’t want to let your boss down sounds so familiar too! It’s exactly the sort of thing I do but I’m trying to put myself first a little bit more these days.

I’m not a lawyer OP but in another area of work where we have to record our chargeable hours.

The actual physical task of recording my work is hard enough - remembering to take a note of when I’ve started and stopped something but just actually getting through the work is really hard. I’m having to charge so much more than I should be because things take me longer than most people.

I am diagnosed but not out at work. It feels like the HR involvement that would need would just be too much.

This is not in any way a helpful post but just for solidarity really. You’re not alone.

Thanks, that's really kind

I am looking around for a different job, but it makes me sad that I might have to leave when I really enjoy my work! I just can't get through enough of it and the admin / finance / BD bullshit drags me down...