Husband issues

[GandTfortea]

So I’ve a few children,2 have diagnosis of autism ,1 I think we missed it ,dh im100% sure has it ,and I’ve been accepted for assessment at kingwood.
im currently I’ll. with covid
im still up and running round after one ,cooking lunch and dinner ,doing washing,ordering and unpacking food shops ,then I crash and end up back in bed .
neither child nor husband has offered me a cup of tea ,or a meal or any kindness.
dh is on 10 hour shifts ,when at work he does absolutely nothing at home ,but when he’s off work he does help.
so the whole week I’ve so far been I’ll ,he’s been working,so done nothing,this morning I came down to the kitchen like a bomb had hit it ,I made dinner last night ,but went to bed without clearing up as I felt faint ,as 2 dc are adults ,I assumed they would of done it ,dh home from 3 pm ,so had time also to do it.
im just wondering if I’m having unreasonable expectations if they have autism,it can’t be helped ..
and how did other peoples dh / dc with autism manage when mum got covid

Your Covid has brought this to a head but it sounds as though it's a longstanding issue.

It sounds as though you and your DH are both overworked, with his 10 hour shifts and you seeming to have the whole burden of the household tasks.

Your adult DC should be doing more. It may be that their contribution has to be managed in a particular way so they can cope with it; can you sit down and talk with them about how this could be achieved?

In a household of 4 adults, all should be making a contribution whether that is in the form of working outside the home to bring money in, or managing the house, or a combination of both. As far as is reasonable everyone should have the same balance of 'leisure' time and 'work' time.

(With the caveat that I myself could never afford this) - do your finances allow the possibility of a cleaner to take some of the work off your hands?

I hope you recover soon

Thanks that was a kind response,the 2 with autism have PDA as well so everything leads to kicking off ,I suppose I’m more wanting to know what I should expect from my dh ,how other couples with autism manage .
i get really burned out ,as 2 of the dc have not been in school for most of their lives ,I’ve been to tribunals to get education from LEA ,so that takes up a lot of my energy ,plus it’s hard always having 2 dc permanently at home

Are you also autistic OP or just your DH?