Jealous of friendships

[Rewritethestars1]

Hi all,

Just found out that two of my friends have been meeting up without me and have been going out for meals etc as a two. Which of course is fine. Apparently they talk everyday. I thought we were all as close but turns out they are closer and I'm just on the outside and occasionally invited.
It was the sane at school. I never had a best friend and I left school with no friends.
I do get lonely sometimes which I have spoken about on here.
I do want a close friendship but then I do struggle to maintain one and I don't always like to do the things needed to have one, like go out for meals each week. I do feel jealous though after finding this out. I just wanted to post to let it out as I don't have anyone to talk to in real life.

Thanks

HI OP, I didn't want to read and run. I am not a regular on this board but wanted to say that I can understand it feels awful to feel left out or like you are less important than another friend.

You know what? It's their loss and I don't just say this as a cliche.

You sound like a caring friend and maybe your two other friends just have something in common that you don't share, or they spend their time gossiping and talking about stuff that is quite boring.

Don't judge yourself by leaving school without friends. I had a best friend in school who was super toxic and it was very detrimental to my confidence for many years after. We are no longer friends.

If you feel that you gel with people but it doesn't go beyond a certain level, maybe you need to look for people in other places, either though shared hobbies or interests? Many of us don't have a big circle of girl friends for lots of reasons, lack of time nurturing these being one.

Look ahead, not backwards, things may still change and you may find closer friends in unexpected places. My mum always felt on the outside, her whole life, she found her BFF at 45 and the 2 of them are meeting up today for a city break aged 78 and 73. They used to be colleagues.

Hang in there and do not judge yourself! 💝

Hi I've been there. I also seem to be in the group but not actually on anyones radar. So I might get invited to a party where everyone is going but less likely to be asked on a one to one. And when I try to arrange stuff I get a lot of no's or last minute cancellations. It sucks, I think I'm an ok person but I don't seem to overly interest people. Currently I have two old friends who I occasionally meet up with but they both have newer friendship groups they socialise with usually ( they never invite me). I have 3 mum friends, 1 I meet for coffee every couple weeks, 1 I chat with on school run and 1 I see sporadically in hols or weekend. They never want to meet without kids so I assume when kids are older these friendships may phase out. I want a couple of good friends to talk to, go out with a support network. I don't really have the time or energy to pursue this right now so my plan is to be open to friends but if nothing changes take a more active approach in a few years when kids are bit older.

Thanks both for taking time to reply. Its so beneficial for me to have this space to connect and it does combat the loneliness somewhat.
I do have my dog who keeps me company and sane.
I think I will probably have more time and passion for friends once my children are older. Although one will likely need me to care for her my whole life.
I do try socialise but it does take effort and time both of which I'm lacking.

Thanks again.

This sounds sadly familiar. I used to be upset by it but lockdown taught me to stop beating myself up about it and accept myself a bit more. That sounds a bit twee I know. I've stopped accepting invitations now and stick to seeing one person at any time.,I find that exhausting though or maybe it's my friends as they are quite full on. A take out drink on the way back from the school run or a chat with my neighbour is the extent of my socialising. I do look at groups of mum friends at school and wonder why I'm not included in conversations or invitations or ignored when I ask things on the WhatsApp group and feel like a right muppet. I have no suggestions just solidarity

Yes @Rewritethestars1 I'm in the same position, my youngest will probably not live independently although I still hope I will have a bit more free time! I have found Mumsnet really helps, just being able to support others or ask for support or share silly thoughts. I feel lighter for sharing some of the stuff in my head.

I never had a "best friend" and I think that the reason for it is that there's so much going on in my head and I don't let others know about. They probably find me confusing and hard to follow when I talk and share my thoughts.

Trust me friends are over rated. After being horribly crushed in my early 20s by so called friends , I now only keep acquaintances and to be honest my life is happier for it. We chat and hang out but there's no expectation and more importantly no drama or hurt. I'm just not built to have close friends and accepting that brought me so much more peace. It was like a weight was lifted.

I love this ❤️

Thanks all for the replies.

I do think i need to learn to love who I am and that includes not being able to maintain deep friendships and that ok.
Its funny but I don't really get some of the social stuff others seem to notice. Recently a family member was gossiping about another and kept asking me things like "did you she her do this, say this, look like that" and I honestly didn't understand. She got annoyed and said I just see the good in everyone which I do because I don't recognise or understand all these rules and social matters. I just see people for who they are but its a fault it seems.