Emotional dysregulation

[AlistairCamel]

Does anyone else experience this as one of their ADHD traits? How do you cope with it? I’ve not long been on Concerta and this doesn’t seem to be getting better. The theory form my psych is treat the ADHD and the emotional dysregulation will get better. What if it doesn’t? I’m wondering if I’m going to end up with a diagnosis of BPD as well.

Tonight I got cross with my husband about bedtime as he didn’t seem to be listening to me about what helped I needed with the children then accused me of being bossy or something along those lines. I got angry and ended up taking it out on the children. I shouted and told them they had to go to bed and that was that. Everyone was sad. I’ve been crying most the night. My response was completely out of proportion to what happened. I don’t want to be like this. I went always angry. I used to be kind. I feel like
ik letting down my children.

Are you sure it's not a DH problem?

OP has said her own response was out of proportion, not her DH's.
It doesn't matter if your emotional dysregulation is 'part' of your ADHD or part of undiagnosed Borderline. You can still try and sort it out. TBH it doesn't sound extreme.... but if you read up around therapy for ED/BPD, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is always recommended. I'm not saying you need it, or you'd be able to get it. Just read around the methods of examining, labelling and reflecting on your feelings/ emotions as a key to understanding what's going on, and a very first step in trying to manage them.
Your insight that your reaction was out of proportion is a good starting point. In the heat of the moment it can be impossible to control, but to reflect afterwards and understand what is going on can be helpful.
(DS (20) is on waiting list for Personality Disorder clinic and ADHD screening, amongst other things....)

He did something to irritate me but it’s my reaction that’s the issue. I have no reason to think it isn’t given my psychiatrist thinks I suffer from emotional dysregulation and when it’s passed I can see I’ve blown it way out of proportion.

Thank you. I think it’s the feeling that I’ve finally found the solution (hopefully) and what if it’s not? It’s that never ending feeling of being broken and thinking you’ve found the fix then realising you haven’t!

i also don’t understand why I struggle so much with communicating what I mean to people.

I will look into dialectal behaviour therapy. It something I would consider going privately for in future when money allows as I know the wait is likely long on the NHS.

Much love to you and your son. The route to get help with any mental health/neurodivergency is often a long one.

ADHD can also often go hand in hand with ASD, of which emotional dysregulation is also a trait. Your comment about struggling to communicate what you mean to people resonated strongly for me to suggest this as a potential to consider.

Also, you mention this being at bedtime when your medication is likely to be wearing off, this can result in feeling 'dumped out' and increase your unreasonableness, have you experimented with top ups doses?

If your issues are related to ASD then there isn't medication, you will need to find strategies to manage yourself better. It's also helpful if a partner engages with trying to work with your neurodivergence rather than viewing it as a 'problem'.

Maybe try finding a specialised neurodivergent therapist?

Thanks for a lovely reply OP.
I've done an online course with my local Recovery College on Emotional Mindfulness. It was very interesting.... Is there a Recovery College near you? It's an NHS thing that does information etc for those with various aspects of poor mental health and for their carers, teachers, parents etc. If there's not one in your area/ county/ nhs region, there are links to courses and resources on their national website, including this on DBT
rco-new.mixd.co.uk/courses/dbt-skills-resource/

I think that the medication might not fix the emotional dysregulation per se but could give you a better chance to handle stress and to learn better coping strategies when you’re triggered.

Was the medicine wearing off?

Are you prone to ED at particular times of the day?

or at particularly difficult parts of the days routine? Maybe there’s room for improvement in the systems of your daily life. The book The Lazy Genius is a great.

Do certain situations or activities wear you thin? If I’ve had a very peopley day I’m much more vulnerable to some kind of meltdown, but I’ve only recently tuned in to myself enough to detect the signs and take action before it gets too much.

This will probably sound bonkers but I think you’ll get further if you lean on the idea that you are ok, instead of worrying that there’s something wrong. Look at these things with a curious eye, trying to figure out the puzzle that you are.

I'm just about to start on meds, and when choosing which one to try out, the psychiatrist mentioned that methylphenidate tends not to help ADHD mood swings but lisdexamfetamine often can. It also lasts a bit longer, so if you think it could be related to the come down crash as the Concerta is wearing off, it could potentially delay that another couple of hours. The psych also mentioned that the med crashes are worse for the first few weeks, then should start to settle.

@notyourmam hi how did u get on with ur medication?

@Crispsmakemehappy not great - methylphenidate seemed to have the opposite effect on my concentration than intended. I had difficulty blocking out any and all stimuli, so couldn't focus on any one thing. I'm a tricky case though - I also have long covid and PoTS, so my nervous system is kind of haywire these days and I've become much more sensitive to everything. Stimulants probably aren't a great choice for me now. I've paused trials.