Is this RSD or just genuine dissapointment?

[BrokenArrowzzz]

I used to love social media. I even worked in it for several years. But the past 2 years I can't bear to go on it. If I do it's only on Instagram for short bursts of time where I have a private account following influencers and not actually people I know.

I find social media very strange. I used to be totally addicted to it, endlessly scrolling at things, using FB to keep up with friends, local events and selling things. But it also gave me huge anxiety. Constantly worrying that the pictures I posted weren't good enough, that I didn't have enough money to take the fancy holidays my friends went on, that I looked too fat or old even though I know I'm neither, etc. I would see the excitement and success of people I knew and it would get me very down. The thing that makes me the most anxious is feeling watched and judged, so I decided I was best not to go on it anymore. I do miss it sometimes because I miss not seeing community events and milestones the people I know share.

Today I got an email about some Linked in updates - the emails that update you on your contacts status' and work achievements. I've not been on Linked in in about 4 year, but I clicked on the email and went on it for a bit. It was so depressing seeing people my age I used to work with - especially the women all celebrating their successes in business. Most with 'Senior' X in their job titles. Meanwhile I've achieved absolutely nothing, and have ended up in a creative role in a lower band and pay grade. I'm 42 and am the oldest member of my creative team. They've all under 30 and have got degrees in their field - I just fell into mine, so I'm once again starting fresh from the bottom like all of my previous work roles.

Seeing updates like this, as well as posts on FB showing friends out for dinner / etc together always make me feel awful. Like such a failure at life. I get a big lump in my throat and my mind starts saying awful things about myself like how useless I am, and how there's no point to go on living anymore.

Why do I take stuff like this so hard? Once I posted a thread in AIBU about a situation I found hurtful between a friend and I. Most of the MN'ers who replied told me I was being totally unreasonable for feeling the way I did, and a few said I'm 'hard work' and that they couldn't ever be friends with me in real life if they knew me. I literally cried and cried for the entire evening, and was so anxious I felt like dying would have been the best option at that point

Is this all RSD? 😕

It's probably a mixture of RSD and feeling that you've not achieved your potential due to being ND. Tbh, most of us are struggling to just get through the day and it's enough that we're surviving. I tell you what, all the fancy people you see with their jobs and holidays, they wouldn't last five minutes if they had to cope with being ND.

ND is a big shackle around our legs, holding us back at every turn, but we find ways around it and even holding down a modest job is an achievement. We're different people from the NT Instagram types and we need to accept that and not keep comparing ourselves to others. I know it sounds lame, but it's true and you'll feel more at peace with your achievements if you can do this.

You're doing fine just being you and that is enough 😃

(and the fancy Instagram people are probably drunk and arguing with their family every night 😉)

RSD is hellish. I find it a little bit easier to hang in there through it knowing that it is an actual thing.

I’ve checked up on people from my university class in a moment of weakness and felt like shit for weeks afterwards.

I know the reaction is far too extreme, especially when I genuinely love aspects of my life.

There are many times I wish for the e ease of being NT, but then I read shitty MN threads like you’ve just described where posters pile on someone without any awareness that people can be different from themselves, and I’m bloody glad not be one of them.

You sound like you’ve had various different types of work roles which must make you so experienced with transferable skills. And also it must be like a breath of fresh air working with younger people (I’ve done same in past).

I know one or two people younger than me who have the ‘senior’ suffix to their job title and it really doesn’t mean anything.

I do feel like you occasionally because my husband and I do very important jobs but the money is terrible. I look at friends and family and wonder how they amassed so much wealth and privilege. I used to find it difficult to stay in contact with certain people. I have mostly let the anger go now and count my blessings. When I have the energy I try to live my best life personally and career wise.

I still use social media however I feel better when I just dip in and out if it rather than scroll for hours.

You've described what I had most of my life until the menopause - it isn't so overwhelming now, but for me it was always just labelled as anxiety. It is far more than that and all consuming; an overwhelming knot of fear that twists your mind and feelings into overtaking your life.😰

Sorry what is RSD?
social media best to dip in and out.
thinking of having a massive Facebook cull