Preparing for Divorce

[ZenKaleidoscope]

For the last year my thoughts have been consumed with whether I am autistic or not. I am going down the NHS assessment process.

Now I am consumed with trying to mentally and emotionally prepare for the fact that my husband and I may split up. I'm gutted about this but can't see how we can improve things as my husband is unwilling to work on things.

I'm quite an idealist so the thought of our marriage not lasting our lifetimes is hard to come to terms with.

My parents who live abroad will be devastated as they are very religious and divorce is seen as a failure and the worst thing to do to the children. I've decided I won't tell them until it's all happened. I know my Dad will see it as bringing shame on the family. He paid for the wedding.

I have no idea how I will afford my own place. We would probs split custody 60/40 to me. Kids are 6 and 2 years. Got married 7 years ago, been together 12 years.

I don't even know how likely a break up is but my thoughts have gone into overdrive about it to try to help me get used to the idea. As I don't want to have a breakdown.

I feel like I'm capable of living on my own with my kids but I dread the actual upheaval of it all, especially with no family to help with practical things like moving house.

I probs need to go on antidepressants I feel suicidal a lot of the time, I know I won't act on it. I just feel so low most of the time. I'm keeping busy as much as I can.

Any support is appreciated.

Does your DH make your life harder? Do you both equally pay for bills? Do you work?

I rather him not be around at the moment. Hes depressed but doesn't recognize it. He's grieving his dad. He feels that hes stressed because of us where as I think he's depressed because of the grief. I think we should do couples counselling hes not willing.

He works full time I work part time. I pay for childcare and food he pays for mortgage and bills. We keep our finances separate at the mo. We own the house together.

Realistically I don't think we'd be able to split up until youngest is in school.

Overall I don't know if he makes my life harder...because of the finances. But if money wasn't an issues yes I think we should break up. Ugh that's so sad to realise.

The question is do you think your depression is being caused by being in an unhappy marriage? If yes, then you need to separate ASAP.

If you have always suffered from depression, even when your marriage was happy, then I would suggest you continue living together but spend time in separate rooms. You can then focus on working on your own mental health before getting a divorce.

I think maybe 50% of it is. The rest is me being sensitive, undiagnosed Neurodivergence. Dad being controlling and no family here.

We go to bed a different times anyway. Haven't slept together for months.

The only time I was depressed before was when I had PND. I had one difficult time before being married when my parents left the country, not sure if it was depression though.

There's no shame in taking antidepressants if you feel you might benefit from them. They can really help at times like this.