Socialising is so exhausting

[Lovemusic33]

I want to have friends, I want to socialise but when it comes down to it I find it so exhausting and then wish I was on my own.

I spend a lot of time on my own or with my DD’s (both neurodiverse), I have lots of hobbies and interests which don’t involve socialising, I now have a small job which doesn’t involve socialising, I have been single for 5/6 years and quite enjoy my own company. But…from time to time I feel a little lonely and left out. I don’t have loads of friends but I know quite a few people, from time to time one of them will ask me to do something with them or invite me for a small get together and this often fills me with dread. This weekend I have been invited to a few things and have had friends over (they invited themselves) and I have found it exhausting, the time has dragged and all I could think about was what I could be doing if they were not here.

Does anyone else find socialising totally exhausting? I don’t think it’s because I mask, my friends know what I’m like and I don’t exactly hide it (although I don’t tell them to leave when I have had enough of socialising). Do you force yourself to socialise even though you don’t really want too and even though it causes anxiety?

I feel I need to try harder and stop making excuses when people try and make arrangements with me? I just find it hard to tolerate people for too long, most of them don’t share my interests or view in general, some may share one interest but I still struggle after an hour to pretend I’m interested.

Have you heard of the spoon theory?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

I also find socialising exhausting. I like spending time with my friends but I need breaks, I need recovery time, and I get agitated if I feel like I can't leave when I'm ready. I've found that much easier to explain since I discovered spoon theory. Now, I just say I don’t have the spoons today and everyone generally accepts that.

I have heard of it but never used it, maybe I should?

I tried to tell todays visitors that I planned on going for a walk later today (in hope they would leave) but they just offered to come with me. I’m pretty sure my friend is also on the spectrum so I probably should have just been open with them. I’m lucky that most of my friends are on my wave length and probably would understand if I explained to them that I am tired from socialising. Though I do wish I could handle socialising for longer.

I can't really socialise. I'm slightly better with one to one, but I could never cope with a group. I do have a friend, but we only see each other every few weeks. I struggle to cope being with the others in the house sometimes and I have to go upstairs to the bedroom to be by myself.

I’m the same, I have friends but not groups of friends, if I’m invited to something where there are several people (or more) my anxiety takes over and I just can’t go. I’m ok for a couple hours with one friend but multiple people I just can’t deal with.

Bloody hell! This is exactly how I am! It’s such a relief to read how other people feel as I do. I’ve reached a stage where I wouldn’t mind if I never see anyone other than DH, DS again, I have 2 friends who live some distance away and we meet up/text/phone from time to time. One of them was at school with me so, she knows exactly what I’m like. The other, I’ve known 30yrs. When I was younger I made more of an effort but IT WAS UTTERLY EXHAUSTING.

I walk my dog for miles each day. She is a godsend 😊 When I first got her, I seemed to meet other walkers who’d get chatting and the next thing I knew, we were arranging to meet up for coffee/drop by each other’s homes. The anxiety it caused me meant that I changed my walking habits/times/locations. Am I mad? A misanthrope?

My Aspergers dx came late in life but it was SUCH a relief. I just thought I was a terrible person.

Thanks @Lovemusic33 I feel a little better now.

This here’s the dog…

Your dog is gorgeous 😍

Thank you. She’s the only person I get on very well with ! 😂

I've come to the realisation that I just will not be able to enjoy gatherings of lots of people, no matter how much I think I am looking forward to it - and genuinely looking forward to seeing people I haven't seen for a while.
I have little trouble 1:1, I might struggle a little in a group of 3 or 4, depending on who they are, but any large group - whether known to me or not - will result in me feeling very anxious and unhappy.
Case in point: was at a wedding this weekend, I'm part of one of the bridal couple's family. Three days of socialising, obviously some family I know, but I don't know the couple's friends. There was dancing that I really wanted to join in, but I just felt so utterly overwhelmed by the evening that I couldn't muster up the courage or energy to join in. Not helped by being sat between people I didn't know at dinner, so I had expended a huge amount of energy in trying to make small talk for an hour (with some strategic time away from the table!).
I feel sad about it, because I am sure I used to have fun going out with my friends when I was younger... maybe now I'm just so much more aware of how hard it is to mask?
Undiagnosed ASD, and possible ADHD.