Newly diagnosed.

[OneRingToRuleThemAll]

Hey everyone. I'm new on this board, but have been on Mumsnet for 15 years.

My youngest was diagnosed with autism age 4, she's now 11. My eldest was diagnosed 2 years ago at age 12. And I was diagnosed last month at age 34!!

So this is all new. But for the first time in my whole life I feel alive. Like the cloud of misunderstanding myself has lifted. I'm not broken, damaged or unlovable. And there is a reason why life is such a challenge at times.

According to the assessor, I show several indicators of masking and that is common in adult undiagnosed / newly diagnosed women. So now is time to learn to lift the mask.

Congratulations! That’s wonderful news.

Can I ask what sort of masking you think you do, if you can describe it?

They asked if I spin, bounce or move my body. I don't, but did a lot as a child. I made a conscious effort to be still to fit in.

I also have set phrases when I speak to people. So congratulations phrases for good news or sorry to hear that phrases for bad news. I can say the same phrases to 10 people and they won't know I'm speaking a script.

So many of my life decisions have been in order to fit in. It's only now I'm questioning what do I want from life. What are my own likes, aims and goals. Not living every moment to be liked and accepted.