Help please! How can I get an ADHD diagnosis?

[BrokenArrowzzz]

I came to the realisation 2 years ago at the start of lockdown that I have ADHD after reading a post on social media from another woman in business who discovered she had ADHD at 45. I'm 42 and feel I have wasted my entire life not accomplishing anything, yet constantly being told I have so much potential. I'm sick of it. I just want a diagnosis, but I'm lost trying to figure out how to get one. I've been on the NHS waitlist for 2 years. It was meant to only be a year, but they can't clear the backlog. I was waiting for an NHS diagnosis, rather than go with the right to choose via psychiatric UK. I followed up with the NHS about 6 months ago and they basically said I'd still be waiting months, or potentially years for a diagnosis. I went back to psychiatric UK, but now they've got a waitlist and are full up to October. Can anyone tell me how I can go about getting a quicker diagnosis and what is involved in it please? How do the fees work? And medication? Will the medication ever be covered on the NHS if I get a private diagnosis.

I find this all terribly confusing which is why I'm still undiagnosed, but I'm so unhappy and feel so misunderstood by the world around me I don't know what else I can do. My husband doesn't believe ADHD exists and says I'm just constantly making excuses for my laziness and inability to keep track of things, appointments, etc. I can't keep going on with life like this. To make matters worse I'm sure my son has it too, or is potentially on the spectrum as well, but again my husband is adamant he's fine - yet he constantly yells at our son and puts him down for his actions and not thinking.

Any help would be very much appreciated.

Stay on the NHS waiting list. In the meantime if you would be able to pay, you could get a private diagnosis from Psychiatry UK or a similar company so that you can start tackling things. There is usually a fee for the diagnostic aspect and then there would be fees for medication which might take a while to get right. Your GP might then take on a “shared care” arrangement and you could get your prescriptions through the NHS. But also this might not happen. Which is why an NHS diagnosis might be preferable. However, sometimes NHS psychiatrists are also a bit behind the times in understanding, for example, how ADHD presents in women. So there’s not a straightforward answer.

I feel like your husband not believing you is a bit of an issue though. I wonder what he thinks ADHD is if he doesn’t consider it to be “real”. There’s plenty of information and studies out there to show to him about it but it sounds like he might not be open to taking it in. You and your son need, at a minimum, to be believed about your struggles and supported by him. You shouldn’t need a diagnosis for that; saying “I’m not being lazy, I’m trying my best” should really be enough in itself. But don’t let his disbelief get you down. You know the truth so you should treat yourself and your DS with the compassion you both deserve. Don’t wait for a diagnosis to do that. If you appear to be taking your ADHD seriously, maybe that in itself will affect how your DH sees it.

Thanks, but if I wait for psychiatry UK I won't be able to get an appointment until October or November at the earliest. Do you know if I go through another provider (how do I know if one is reputable?) will I be able to get shared care on the NHS?

I'm hoping that if I can get some actual help and a diagnosis with my adhd I can maybe find a councilor or someone who can talk to us both and help him understand that my struggles are real and I'm not just lazy. He refuses to acknowledge that my son may also have issues and won't let me seek help for him.

I really related to your post. I am 45, and felt like I had wasted my entire life too.

I had kind of got through life in my own way - again, like you, always told I had massive potential, which was never realised. It then got so much harder when trying to juggle children/family life/work, plus whatever else life throws up!

I looked into different ADHD assessment options. I decided to go with Dr Iqbal Mohiuddin at www.iampsychiatry.uk/adult-adhd-assessments-and-treatments/

I had to wait around two months and was assessed in January. The charge is £750, which includes three prescriptions (you then need to pay for the medication itself at the chemist), two follow up appointments, and you can also email him with any questions throughout the titration process. Then he can do a medical report and shared care agreement with your GP for an additional fee.

He is very empathic, as well as professional and knowledgeable - I would definitely recommend him!

Thanks very much for your reply. I will register with them (is there a fee to register?), but like I said, there is now a waitlist until the end of October. I've waited 40+ years, so in one way another few months isn't a big deal, but on the other hand I just want to be able to start living my life.

I feel like my career is such a mixed bag. I've got a bit of experience with a lot of things, but never really excelled at anything. I've moved into a new role at work that I'm really enjoying, and it can go in two different directions in terms of focus and career development. One of which requires me to be on the ball all the time and on top of emails and lots of stakeholders. This is not my strong point, but the job is really interesting and will allow for more progression I think - as long as I can do it well. My main issue is that I get distracted during the day and take forever to get things done. I'm then doing them in the evening at home when my husband wants us to be spending time together watching tv or something. He gets angry with me that I'm spending too much time on my job and not getting paid very much so he feels the effort on my part isn't worth the return. He isn't understanding of the fact that I have ADHD and how it effects my day to day life and that things take me longer to get done. He's frustrated that I don't make more money to help the family out while he's left juggling everything and his job as well. But I can't go out and make more money if I don't prove myself and progress in my new role. It's a fresh start for me and I just want to do well, so really would like to get a diagnoses and start medication and hope it helps me focus and grow in my role. It gets me so down. I feel like such a failure.

Sorry that was a bit of a rant! Basically I just want to know if there's any other reputable options for a diagnosis other than psychiatry UK that will allow for a shared care option and eventual transfer over to the NHS. It's such a minefield I have no idea where to start. I see lots of companies online offering a diagnosis but not sure if they'll hold up on the NHS and how legit they are. I don't want to end up wasting my money and then needing to go with a different option after.

It's so bloody difficult isn't it?! I also take ages to get things done during the day. I have endless half finished tasks lying around the house - I start off with lots of enthusiasm then the motivation seems to go and I am on to something else 😩I haven't actually worked for a few years as I could not cope with juggling everything - this has led me to feeling like a massive failure, as I wasn't doing all the things a woman of my age "should" be doing!

I have actually found it really difficult explaining to everyone what ADHD means and how it affects me. Something that has helped my husband were some Youtube videos explaining various things about it. In fact, since my diagnosis, he has said that it has been a revelation to him, and he realises now why I sometimes act as I do! It has actually improved our relationship as he is now more understanding.

Re my recommendation above for assessment - it isn't actually Psychiatry UK, although the website name does sound similar! Dr Mohiuddin is a private consultant psychiatrist, but works on the NHS as well. He does do shared care agreements with GPs, and is happy to liaise with your GP throughout the titration process if necessary. I am still titrating my meds as have had some side effects, so may try some others, and when I have had any queries he responds to my emails within a day or two. He is caring and it was such a relief to speak to someone who really "got" ADHD!

I'm sorry to hear your husband isn't supportive. His attitude will be exhasberating the challenges you and your son face.

As you have mentioned October will come round quickly and hopefully once you have your diagnosis and medication things will improve. I believe Psychiatry UK is expensive but they're likely to be one of the few providers still accepting patients. I went privately and for the diagnosis, plus three follow up appointments, I only paid £430 but the person I saw has closed their books due to the length of their waiting list. I have now made it to the top of the NHS list and they are taking over my med reviews and are providing mental health support too. I'm being referred to a recovery college to help with issues including assertiveness.

I've been taking meds since November and they have made a huge difference, especially in relation to me being able to pull my weight domestically. They aren't a miracle cure though and I still struggle with things at work and now have A2W funded support that helps me to keep on top of things like my emails. They also provide other support including strategy coaching.